The Big Boy Bed Adventures: Night 5

We have been putting Turtle-Love in his own bed for the past five nights. Errr, well okay actually night 4 no one slept in a bed. We all fell asleep in the living room after a very very busy and enjoyable Easter Day. I happened to wake up just in time to get around for work Monday morning, thank goodness. Toad put Turtle-Love in bed with him since it was already morning. I'm not sure how much longer they slept but I'm sure it wasn't too long. So... the past 4 of 5 nights Turtle-Love has been put in his bed. As well as spending nap time in his bed rather than the couch.

It has been going great! His naps are slightly shorter than if I were to hold him, of course. If I hold him while he naps he will sleep for hours. On the couch, he sleeps 1-2 hours, and in his bed he has also been sleeping 1-2 hours. Yesterday his nap time was a little shorter than it could have been, as he woke himself up when his diaper leaked. (He was in a disposable by the way, just throwing that out there...) So we changed the sheets on his bed and our bed last night. We all got showers so we could enjoy clean sheets with clean bodies. Is that not one of the best feelings ever?? I love it! Turtle-Love and Toad took their shower together, as per the usual. When it was time to take my shower Toad made the beds up with Turtle-Love's help. By the time I got out of the shower, Turtle-Love was asleep, in his bed. Toad then informed me how this happened....

Toad finished making up Turtle-Love's bed while Turtle-Love sat at the foot of our bed, snuggling a fleece sheet and sitting on top of my husband pillow(those chair-like pillows, the kinds with backs and arms...). When Toad finished with Turtle-Love's bed he told Turtle-Love he needed to move so he could make our bed. He suggested Turtle-Love sit in his bed and watch, to which he Turtle-Love agreed. Toad reminded him a minute later it was okay to lay down, Turtle-Love said "Oh" and laid down. He got a little frustrated because he couldn't get the sheets up just right so Toad helped to cover him up, and a minute or so later the kid was out. Just like that.

My big boy! Falling asleep all on his own, in his own bed!

Turtle-Love did wake up last night. He didn't get out of the bed though, he was more half-asleep and fussy. I checked to make sure his diaper hadn't leaked and had Daddy cover him back up (per Turtle-Love's request that "Daddy do it") and then "shhhhhhhhhh"d him back to sleep. That was actually at 6am this morning. He was stirring a little again when I got up for work a bit later. He called out "Mommy? Mommy!" with his eyes shut, like he was just looking for me and couldn't feel me in the bed. I spoke to him and let him know I was right there and he went right back to sleep. When I was leaving for work he was still sleeping just fine, he and his daddy would be waking up about 45 minutes later anyhow.

So - this transition thing so far has been a breeze. I slept incredibly well last night. Partly from the awesomeness that is fresh clean sheets and a clean body - partly because Toad and I actually managed to play a bit of catch up on our birth classes during nap time - and partly because Toad was kind enough to lotion me after my shower and give me a light massage. Swoon. It was lovely and soooooo relaxing.

So, now I give you pictures!

How Turtle-Love put himself to sleep :: How he was positioned when I was leaving for work
When going to sleep he insisted he sleep with one of his matchbox cars. It was in the bed next to him when he went to sleep, I moved it over to the edge of his bed where he wanted his goggles to be. Note the bean bag is still there... lol

And me! This is a picture I took for you all yesterday. Facebook hasn't been letting me upload photos lately -_- so I'll just stick this right here.

The Big Boy Bed Adventures: Night 1

In case you guys didn't know, we are avid co-sleepers, bed sharers, family bed style people.
We did not start off this way.

I grew up in a family bed. My mom had a crib for me and my little sister, but neither of us ever slept in it. Maybe she (my sister) did a time or two for a nap, but not so much. As we got bigger we also got our own beds in our own room (we shared a room in those early years) and we were free to travel between them. We were still living in that house when I started Kindergarden, but I couldn't for the life of me tell you where I slept most nights. I remember braiding my own very long hair in my bedroom, and playing in my bedroom. I remember my mom snuggling my little sister on our couch taking a nap while I camped out behind the crooks of her knees and watched TV, or dozed leaned on her butt. Or my sister sleeping near by, and not in Mom's arms, while Mom napped on the couch and I hung out in the space behind her knees warm and cozy. My mom worked nights while my dad worked days so they didn't have to try and afford a sitter too very often, so Mom's day sleep was vital to her sanity I'm sure. She tells me I was always excellent as a small child and very helpful with my baby sister (we are two years apart, almost to the day). We have tons of pictures of us sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed when we were little. We moved the summer I turned 6, and when we moved we moved in to a much larger house. Both of my sisters (I have an older half sister who mostly spent the weekends with us) and I got our own rooms. I remember sleeping in my own bed, and sleeping in the family bed. Especially if we were sick, but even if we were just lonely, or hadn't cleaned off our beds to be able to sleep on them - we were welcomed into the family bed. Even now, as an adult, one of the most comforting places I can find in our house is my mother's bed. She doesn't have to be in it of course, but her sheets are always warmer and her pillows are always softer. I haven't slept in my mother's bed in many many years - after all I am 26 years old and married - but that place of safety and comfort is engrained deeply in me. It doesn't matter that her bed is actually a couch now (it is more comfortable and convenient for her) or that we have moved several times and her bedroom isn't what I remember. The atmosphere in general is completely different. However, on those really tough days - those high stress days - I know what my mother is going to recommend to me. Hugs, a shoulder to cry on, and relaxing in her bed while I regroup. Oh man, does it work Every. Single. Time. The perks of co-inhabiting with your mother ;-) (PS writing that and reading it back to myself totally makes me cry. Stupid hormones...)

Slightly off topic but not really. My bad on that. Anyhow - so I obviously grew up with co-sleeping. That was the point, to stress that it is very normal to me.

When Toad and I found out we were pregnant with Turtle-Love, our first, we of course talked about a thousand or so parenting decisions that had to be made. One that we had decided on quickly was that co-sleeping was not for us. The bed sharing variety anyhow. Before we moved we had set up Turtle-Love's room with his crib and furniture, etc. and a day bed that I would sleep on for at least the first few weeks in his room. (Which, by the way, is a form of co-sleeping). We thought that this way I could get up with the baby, and Toad could still sleep so he could be functional for work. No point in having two sleep deprived parents. My mother tried to convince us we shouldn't spend the money on a crib - but we were very firm in our decision that we would not bed share. We did not want our child in the bed with us. Ohhhhh how things change. Turtle-Love was born early. You all probably know that story by now. He spent his first two weeks sleeping alone in a bassinet in the NICU. Our first night sleeping together, in a family suite in the NICU, he slept alone in his bassinet next to my side of the bed. To my surprise I actually did wake up to every single sound he made, even though I doubted my ability to hear him in my sleep. (After all, I perfected the art of missing my alarm clock over the years) So when we brought him home we planned to put him to sleep in his crib, alone. We had moved though, and his crib was actually in our bedroom. We got home and he just seemed so tiny in his very large crib, I couldn't leave him there. I was really happy a friend had given us a bassinet. I pulled it up close to our bed, and put him to sleep in it. Over the next few nights...

Scratch that just remembered I already wrote this part of the story! Two years ago! You can read it here: We bedshare - do you?

Anyhow... we tried a couple times and a couple different things in that first year of life to transition Turtle-Love into his own sleeping space, but nothing worked. Part of that was probably that we just weren't that committed to it. I didn't mind bedsharing after all, and it meant we actually got sleep. I've come to very much enjoy bedsharing with our son. I love the cuddles, and the snuggles, and having him lay next to me at night while I sing him the moon song, or we read books to the moon. (Our bed is under a sky light). However, in the past month I've woken up numerous times to my husband sleeping on the couch because Turtle-Love kicked him out of the bed. Toad doesn't mind, sometimes he sleeps better on the couch that he can spread out in compared to the measly edge of bed he grips each night with us. A few nights I actually woke up to Turtle-Love whining, and then pushing on Toad with his feet telling him to move, to get out of the bed. While it is actually really funny to witness that and have Toad listen, it was a big sign to us that Turtle-Love is looking for more space. I can't blame him. Our set up is pretty crowded right now. Toad, then Turtle-Love, then me and my pregnant belly, then my pregnancy body pillow. We planned to side car the crib to make more space when Little Bean arrives. With this new realization from Turtle-Love however, we needed to make new plans. Recently, our family also experienced a tragedy that has shaken us to the core, and it has helped us to open our eyes up to things that we have become a bit laxed in - areas we need improvement as all people do over time. So between this and Turtle-Love's obvious need for more space, we decided to put the crib up, converted as a toddler day bed.

We put Turtle-Love's big boy bed off my side of our bed, against the wall. There is maybe 1.5 - 2 feet of space between the edge of his bed and the edge of our bed. We put his bed together Tuesday night, but with having an early morning appointment the next day we didn't want to risk not sleeping and decided to try out the big boy bed for the first time at night last night - mainly because Toad is off today and could be up with him if need be. Turtle-Love has slept on his mattress in the floor for naps a handful of times, but never as a bed off the ground, and never at night. Turtle-Love, and Toad, fell asleep together while cuddling on the couch last night. He hadn't been asleep long when I decided to risk picking him up and moving him to his bed. Turtle-Love, not Toad ;-) On the way to the bedroom he barely woke up, just long enough for me to steal a kiss and he promptly laid down on my shoulder. The transition to his bed went smoothly too and he snuggled right in. I had made his bed up the same way I make ours so the weight would feel familiar - fitted sheet, flat sheet, blanket, comforter, pillow case on his pillow (which is actually super flat and used to be mine, I got it at a birthday party when I was 5). I had Toad move to the bed too, and then I got in bed myself. I decided to leave our light on, but dimmed down. Just in case Turtle-Love woke up so he could see us. I also moved his bean bag chair in front of his bed in case he rolled. I didn't think he would, but didn't want him to just crash to the ground either if he did.

I then laid down in bed myself, facing Turtle-Love and snuggling my body pillow. I got really sad and a little anxious. What if something happened? He seemed so far away. There were no little toes in the backs of my knees. No little fingers on my back. No little wisps of hair tickling me. No leg thrown over my side. No tiny hot breaths on my skin. I tried distracting myself on my phone, which didn't work. I ended up just laying there, watching Turtle-Love sleep for what felt like a really long time before I finally drifted off with tears threatening my eyes the whole time. My baby boy is getting so big!

I woke up in the middle of the night - as most pregnant women do - and Turtle-Love had barely moved. His covers were undisturbed, he had only turned his head the other direction and I could now see his little face. I drifted between awake and asleep from then til it was time to get ready for work. I waited as long as I could, laying in bed, just in case he woke up. I really wanted to be there if he did, but he didn't and I had to leave.

I got a Tango (its a video chat program for smart phones - free!) from Toad a little while ago. Turtle-Love was all smiles and happy voice and in the best mood. He had just woken up about ten minutes before they called. Toad report Turtle-Love walked into the living room looking for him, and when he called out "Daddy?" Toad answered - from the bed - and he quickly climbed in with him, but carrying their matching baseball caps. All smiles. All happy boy.

My baby boy is so big!
Did I mention he didn't even nurse last night? 
No one warns you the hard part of this transition is your own emotions when your baby is ready!

This was just the first night. It went great but I know the following nights might not. It just seems like Turtle-Love is so happy today already. My little guy who isn't so much a morning person lately. My mom even called to tell me how chipper and non-whiney Turtle-Love is this morning for breakfast. ♥

 Toad and Turtle-Love immediately after falling asleep on the couch :: Turtle-Love immediately after being moved to his big boy bed (note the bean bag chair lol) :: Turtle-Love this morning, from where I lay to sleep the last moment before I had to get up for work

Planning Our Natural Hospital Birth: The Tour

I should say, our second natural hospital birth.

You may remember my post a couple weeks ago, Struggle, where I talked about how I was struggling with where we are birthing. I really wanted a birth center birth the second time around. Unfortunately it just isn't in the cards for us between our finances and my insurance coverage. So,I'm we are doing everything we can to give us the best opportunity for a completely intervention free hospital birth. (Last time I had an IV for antibiotics - my strep test hadn't come back and he was 5 weeks early - but that was my only intervention)

Last night we went on a tour of the hospital we will be birthing at. I was delivered at this hospital, as were both of my sisters, my niece, a couple of my cousins, several of my friend's children, and I delivered Turtle-Love at this hospital too. We are lucky enough to have two amazing hospitals in town, but I've always loved this one. Of course, the other hospital has a special place in our hearts as their NICU took care of Turtle-Love his first two weeks.You may be wondering why on earth we were touring a hospital I've already spent so much time in, and that we already have experience with. Oh, well in the last two years the new building for the hospital has been completed and they have moved. So technically, we have no experience in this actual building - just with the hospital as a business now. Which has also changed, as they switched.... uhh I'll say powers? owners? Something like that. Anyhow - even if they hadn't we would have still taken the tour just to re-familiarize ourselves and brush up on any new policies.

Before going to the tour I took the time to come up with a list of questions I wanted answered. Then I checked the hospital's website to make sure some of them couldn't be answered there. Some of them could! Like... (What I had a question about is in bold, the answer is in italics. Of course, not every hospital will have the same answers.)

•Labor Support
You may have 2-3 support people with you during labor.
•Visiting Hours and Policy
No one under 14 is allowed to visit unless they are a sibling. Specific hours are encouraged abut exceptions can be made.
•Can Turtle-Love stay over-night with me? This was a big question for us, especially since we co-sleep. (Dang I forgot to ask about co-sleeping with Bean)
No. They of course use more expressive language to soften that lol
•Do you have showers or baths I can use during labor?
Yes, whirlpool tubs are available. 

They have other information that I already knew was policy that you may want to ask your hospital...
Are doulas allowed? Yes
Can my baby room-in with me 24/7? Yes, it is highly encouraged though the nursery is available and nearby.
Are there conveniences like cable, wireless internet, etc.? In labor and delivery as well as postpartum? Yes, though DVD players, CD players, docking stations etc. need to be brought.
Are you supportive of breastfeeding? How do you support mothers with this? Yes, very. You will not be offered formula unless there is a medical reason or you request it. A lactation consultant will visit you to make sure you are doing well and answer any questions you have. One is always available as well. Pumping supplies are also available.
Do I go through the Emergency Room or the main entrance? In the middle of the night? The main entrance is always available for use. Valet parking is offered during standard hours, and after hours you can park in the drop off circle and leave your keys with security - they will park your car for you and your keys will be brought to your room.

We were late arriving for the tour. Yoga lasted a little longer than I thought, and hubz was late leaving a family night for a friend's grandfather. Everyone was really friendly and helpful in assisting us to find the tour in progress. Little did we know the tour was being conducted by the woman who taught our last birthing class that we adored! It was nice catching up with her, hugs all around. (She is also a doula!) The first thing we noticed though, which was a nice turn around to a rough start (I was cranky because we were late)... the wing of the hospital for labor, delivery, and postpartum is actually called The Birthing Center.

Some nifty things I learned on the tour (that I did not ask/have to ask)
•The Birthing Center is located behind a locked door. All postpartum and birthing suites are located behind the locked door with the waiting room NOT behind the locked door. Before allowing anyone in to see you you are called and asked if you are available, and if you would like to see whoever it is.
•You are allowed to have up to 3 labor support people. Each person is provided a band that allows them access behind the doors at anytime during your birth - so food runs, store trips, etc. can go smoothly and quickly.
•They have a snack kitchen, equipped with ice cream, water, ice, dry goods, etc.
•They will not keep you from eating or drinking during labor. She did mention that there may be times clear liquids are best and suggested.
•Each birthing suite has it's own whirlpool tub that is very large and deep, as well as handheld showers.
•A variety of birthing balls are available.
•The bed drops down and a squat bar is available for pushing in a squatted position, or for mom's who are too tired or having a hard time finding the right muscles.
•The number of people who visit you at one time in postpartum is unlimited, though they do recommend you limit your visits so you can rest and bond.

Things that I did ask
•What is the monitoring policy?
A standard belt monitor is available - usually upon arrival they like to get a solid 20 minute reading though it isn't mandatory to be that way. Then and every other time tele-monitors are available, as well as just a hand held doplar. Monitoring can be done in whatever position you like as long as the baby's heart beat can be found. 
•What is the IV policy?
Not mandatory or procedure unless medically necessary. If you must receive antibiotics, a Hep lock can be used after administration.
•What birthing positions are permitted?
This one is up to your delivering doctor. The hospital it self doesn't mind any position or place - though in your own birthing suite rather than the hall is encouraged.
•Can my son(or other siblings) be present during birth?
Absolutely, he just needs one specific person that is not Mom or Dad assigned to him. He will get his own band (not part of the three) as will his person (is apart of the three).
•Baby care policy immediately following birth?
Baby is placed directly on Mom's chest.
•Does baby ever have to be separated from me?
No. All tests can be done with baby on your chest.
•Can we delay cord clamping?
Absolutely, just make sure it is in your birth plan and that your doctor and the pediatrician know. Dad - this is a good job for you, remind them as soon as baby is out.
•What about the placenta? Can we bring it home?
Yep! Make sure you bring a cooler it needs to go on ice immediately and be taken home soon after.
•Policy regarding vitamin K shot, eye goop, vaccines?
They are all standard procedure but you can absolutely decline them. You just have to sign a waiver, we have no problems with any of that.
•How long is labor allowed to go before interventions are pushed?
As long as it takes. If baby is doing fine there is no reason to intervene. That doesn't mean it wont be offered or suggested by your doctor. If your water has been broken for 24 hours antibiotics will likely be administered but you are free to labor for as long as it takes. 
•What is the video and photo policy?
Video is not permitted, and photos have to be from above the legs perspective.
•Are there ever breech births here?
No.  
•Can we bring and use cloth diapers right away?
Absolutely.

So all of our questions got answered. I was really impressed by the actual facility and how friendly everyone was. There was a nurse actually snuggling a baby in the nursery, so the babies that are taken there aren't just left to hang out which makes me feel good too. We left the hospital feel much better about our decision, happy about it actually. We realize that these are just words and things that sound good now - and it will be the people we have contact with when the time comes and testing the policies rather than smiling at the theory of them. But we are hopeful, and happy.

Now to ask my doctor's office a ton of questions at our next visit!

Our unusual living arrangement

Of course as soon as I posted my last entry we lost power where I am. Sooo I'm writing this via my phone while I wait to see if my day resumes here or I head out to pick up my lovey.

Hubz and I have always lived with my mom. First because that is where I was living and it made sense for him to move in with me in town. Then because we were unexpectedly expecting Turtle-Love and needed all the help we could get. Then we all needed each other while during my pregnancy my mom's house,  the one I grew up in, was foreclosed on because one thing after the other kept falling apart and financially things couldn't keep up. I ended up delivering Turtle-Love a month early from all of this stress and we needed my mom more than ever.
When our lease was up at the rental place we decided to find somewhere affordable where we could continue living with my mom but have more separated space. We found that, and then soon after circumstances changed and my aunt (my mom's sister) her oldest daughter with her three kids, and her son came to stay with us while my cousin waited to accept a job in town. They looked for their own place but couldn't find anything suitable. A joke was made that we should all live together in one big house (our current house was feeling very very cramped) and the funny thing was, we found one. The house we found had several separate living areas, including a walk out basement that was very large that Hubz, Turtle-Love and I, along with our large dog, could occupy. Away from everyone else so we could build our family relationships further. We were in our first year of marriage after all, but still with my family.
Unfortunately the day after we signed the lease and terminated our previous one we discovered mold in the basement. We ended up living in the formal dinning room while everyone else settled in and we waited to hear what would be done about the basement. I had enough and was increasingly irritated with our single space and we made the decision to move to the top floor, the converted attic space. The attic apartment we live in is great! We have a sky light directly over our bed that makes going to sleep so calming and wonderful. Turtle-Love loves finding and saying goodnight to the moon and stars. We have our own kitchen(ette), living room, bathroom, and ample storage space. It is only one bedroom but it is spacious and all we need considering we co-sleep. There are two big disadvantages though. Our dog isn't allowed in the house (he was going to be allowed in the basement) and it is a steep walk up 36 stairs from the main living area we all share. Realistically we need the exercise, and Char (our pup) has a friend that he stays with - my cousins dog - in the garage. We have a fenced yard they play in, so we figured we would make the best of it. We've been here since June of last year. In January our landlord wanted our (the whole family's) decision about our lease renewal. As I'm pregnant, I refused to move anywhere near my due date (early May) this time - just in case. We would either move in February or not at all. Our family decided they wanted to stay as well, and so our lease has been renewed.

There are several advantages to living with so many people. Decreased financial burden, help with Turtle-Love when hubz is out of town or at work, my aunt cooks dinner nearly every night and does the majority of the grocery shopping. My mom does most of the laundry (I wash our cloth diapers), after dinner clean up is split among those who did not cook while someone else watches the kids. Turtle-Love has play mates, my cousin's kids are 10, 4, and 3. His vocabulary has skyrocketed with her little chatterboxes around! The list goes on, it really does. I'm grateful for this opportunity and generally enjoy our "village" lifestyle. That doesn't mean it doesn't come with it's woes. Unfortunately that is most of the point of this particular blog post.

There is a really big difference between the ideal village lifestyle - where you live in very close proximity to your support system but in separate houses - and the all-in-one house village lifestyle we currently participate it.


We are having trouble establishing and maintaining our individual family dynamic. Turtle-Love knows who each of us are. He knows his relationship beyond a doubt with me, with hubz, and with my mom. The other roles and influences in his life though I'm not so sure of. We spend a lot of time downstairs with everyone. Turtle-Love plays with the other kids every day. He really enjoys the time he spends with them, and talks about them often when we aren't with them. The trouble is that I'm worried about how he identifies himself with them.

*Okay, so I wrote all of that from my phone Friday afternoon. I've obviously lost some of my gusto but I'll keep expressing my point from here

I am concerned that if we do not separate ourselves from the rest of the family more that Turtle-Love wont bond with our baby the same way. That he will see himself as the same as the other kids in the house and how they relate to the child I am carrying, rather than seeing himself as the big brother, a sibling. The four of us will make up our individual family, but I am worried about how he will perceive that if we don't make the effort to separate ourselves, relationally and spatially, from the rest of the family. Going further - I'm not sure how to create balance in this situation.

Does anyone reading this happen to have experience with village style living? Ideas on how to help build our individual family's relationships without creating a rift with the rest of the household? Does anyone else even live like this?!

A Quickish Update

Alright - a quickish update and then on to THE POST.

I'm 30 weeks (31 by ultrasound) and doing well! My blood pressure is good, Bean's heart rate has been good. No real complaints, nothing major happening. The ultrasound I had a couple weeks ago showed no premature cervical shortening which is awesome. It did, however, show us that Little Bean was breech. She was hanging out yogi style, with at least one heal near her bum, sitting on my right side facing my left. I had an appointment the following Friday, at which her heart beat was found below my belly button (which to me says she is transverse or head down, not breech) but the OB I saw said that if she hadn't turned by 37 weeks we would talk about external versions and then a c-section at 39 weeks. Aaawwweeesssooommmmeeee. NOT.

The day after was a local birth expo which worked out great for us. We found some awesome places to take Turtle-Love for play time, met an acupuncturist, two chiropractors, a doula in training who I happen to know (but didn't know was a doula!), and a bunch of other local resources for families and pregnant women. We also each scored an Under The Nile cloth teething toy for visiting 10 vendors, and my name was drawn during a "Grand Prize Drawing" so I got to pick a prize from the good stuff. I chose a gift bag put together by another local doula, who happened to be the birth class instructor we loved from our last pregnancy. The bag included two Earth Mama Angel Baby gift packs, one set of newborn goodies and one set of pregnant mama goodies, a lavender and flax seed eye pillow for stress relief, two ribbon edged burp rags, and a rice sock. Very sweet and super helpful!

I really liked one of the chiropractors we met. She not only explained to me how my sciatic nerve pain could be telling us that my pelvis is out of alignment likely adding to or even causing the breech issue (and explained it awesomely well I will add) but also offered to work with us on payment if my insurance doesn't cover her office. In fact, her business card actually says "Insurance - Cash - Charity" as payment options. She said there was no reason to let something like money get in the way of helping me with the sciatic pain and hopefully preventing a c-section. So, I now have an appointment with her next week. Also, my doula friend is currently in the process of completing her training and offered her services to us gratis. These are the kind of people I like meeting in the world. Can we please have more of them? Okay, great! We had an official meeting with her at our place yesterday and I'll be contacting her in just a bit to let her know we would love to have her on our "birth team". And before everyone wonders, no it isn't just because her services will not cost us in cash. We actually feel that we connected well with her. And HELLO she actually swayed hubz to team doula and got him on board! Ummm, big score there. I also love the idea that we can help her get the hands on experience she needs for her certification. I actually hope to complete doula certification myself in the nearish future (potentially through where she is - the program sounded pretty awesome) and hope that other people will grant me the same kindness. Plus, the one birth she has already attended as a doula was with my OB's practice and at the hospital we will be going to, which is excellent luck.

We've fallen behind on our birth classes through Birth Boot Camp, but we are determined to catch up! PS - go check them out. Use the buttons up there ^ (see top of post) and over there --> (see side bar next to post). So far we are LOVING these classes. Very informative, hubz is staying focused and learning, and there was a bunch of stuff I didn't really know - or at least didn't know this much about! 

Turtle-Love is doing excellently and enjoys singing, dancing, playing with his matchbox cars, the occasional movie, and generally shocking us with his adorable banter and delighted playfulness. Of course it isn't all peaches, but the good and fun far outweighs the tough and rough spots. He is also addicted to my belly. If he can see any belly skin he has to touch my belly, hold my belly, kiss my belly, poke my belly button and exclaim "Baaayyy Beeee! I kiss baby. Hi baby! Mama baby belly!" Sometimes he tells us he has a baby in his belly too *snicker*. Sure thing kiddo, sure thing. He has also gained an interest in princesses, including dressing up as one, and now owns a pink lady bug shirt with red glitter on it. *shrug* Hey, the kid likes what he likes and we wont stand in the way of that. I think he is rather well rounded :-) I suppose that is what happens when you spend a ton of your time with girls your age but really admire your daddy. ;-)
In other news, the babywearing group a good friend of mine and I are starting up locally is having our first meeting on St. Patrick's Day. So excited! If you are in or near central VA contact me for specifics!

Alright, so that actually wasn't terribly quick was it? Oops. Oh well. On to The Post. Actually. I'm going to write it as a separate post. I'll link it up here when I'm done.

For giggles... a picture of hubz and Turtle-Love the other morning...

My co-sleeping ninja Turtle-Love, and Daddy

Birth Prep Classes

If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen that we have been looking into birth prep classes.

Yes, yes. I know I've already given birth once, I should know what I'm doing, blah blah blah.

Here is how I see it.

You cannot be too prepared for birthing your baby

Just my humble opinion on the subject matter. However, us personally... well we could use the refresher.

See.... when I was pregnant with Turtle-Love we took some birth classes offered through the hospital we were using. The classes were actually amazing. They were taught by a local doula who was also an OB nurse, with two natural births under her own belt - one outside of the country while her family was on some type of mission? To be honest those details are hazey... We went over not only the basic information of how birth happens, but the hospitals policies, how to get what you want from them, and several coping and relaxation techniques - the class was designed with natural birth in mind. We learned a ton and felt fairly prepared. I had also done some light reading about ideas for labor, and we constructed a birth plan.

Que in the unforeseen issues..... like our house foreclosing. Which lead to us moving. Which was when we realized there was no way  we were moving out of a substantially sized house I had lived in for 10+ years of my life and into something much smaller and in our price range. With a giant dog. Oh yeah.... we also had to be out a month before my due date. Anyone wanna guess what happened next? No? Oh.. its okay.. I'll tell you.

I of course went into labor a couple days before our move out deadline, while we were in a mad rush to get moved into a place we finally found with less than a third of the square footage we were used to because we recently with a stroke of luck found the place, qualified for it, and signed the dang lease. I had also jinxed myself because it snowed the night before and I stupidly made a comment about how Turtle-Love would come now just because of the weather. -_________- (That is a very unamused face in case you were wondering). 

And so, we of course ended up going to the hospital after waking up in a giant pool of liquid which we determined was my water that had broken. We left sans anything we meant to take with us. I had no bag packed, we forgot the birth plan or anything else for that matter, I was in my dang pajamas with messy hair, leaking fluid with every little wiggle, and wondering if that slight tingle in my mid section was my first contraction. Skip to the hospital where we were told we might be there for weeks before the baby is actually born... blah blah blah.... and ... drum roll please....
I sent my husband home.

Yep. Idiot.... a long story kind of shortened ... Toad missed all of my labor, which was super fast. I got lost in what was happening and forgot most of my coping techniques, but at least I had my sister! Who has never been pregnant or attended a birth class, ever. No worries, she did well. The birth went well aside from the being 5 weeks early part and somethings that go with that ... yada yada..... SO. Because of all that, and I like to keep my self informed, and... HELLLOOOOO that was over 2 years ago.... we are taking another class.

We tried for the same class, because we liked it. But of course by the time we got our schedules together the class was booked. I started doing research online to find a class that would work for us. I created a birth board on Pinterest even! It was after a few pins and a recommendation from one of my Facebook page followers (and hopeful readers, lol) that I reached out to Birth Boot Camp.

Their program seems amazing. Check them out HERE <-- That would be my affiliate link :-)
We are doing the online course. We don't live anywhere near any of the current in-person classes, but because their program includes videos I think we will do really well with it. You get access to all of the information for 3 months, including being able to chat with them whenever about whatever comes up along the way. BONUS... I found this blog post by Mama Birth that got me an awesome discount! All pregnant bloggers.. check that out! SO.. what this all means is we are going to be awesomely educated, well prepared for birth, and you guys get to read my review when it is all said and done with! I'll likely blog along the way too :-)

Planning for our second birth

I've seen this blog post making the rounds on the Facebook pages I follow the past couple days.

Five Ways to Prepare for Natural Birth in a Hospital

Initially I was just going to share it on my own Facebook page, but when I went to type my own little remark about it I realized I was writing several paragraphs. And so... this blog post was born, naturally. (bahahahahahaha, funny!)

Turtle-Love was a natural hospital birth. I'm certain that I've written his birth story - but I'm pretty sure it has not been published here. That is on my to-do list in the next couple weeks. Anyhow, I've never wanted any birth other than a non-medicated vaginal delivery. At the very most basic of planning, that has always been it. The details of shots and goop and interventions and cord cutting and the labor and the delivery positions and whatever else were always extras, extras I hadn't ever considered until becoming pregnant. Even as a child playing doctor though, I delivered my babies as naturally as one can with a stuffed animal tucked under your t-shirt - au-natural.

Turtle-Love's birth was a bit more complicated than I hoped it would be. Being 5 weeks early will do that. We forgot our birth plan, which we had only just finished. Toad (the hubz) missed the majority of my labor (saving the details for the birth story people) and only arrived in time for the actual delivery. I was on IV antibiotics because my strep test hadn't come back yet, and my labor progressed much faster than the doctors and nurses thought it would. I went from broken water (it broke at home - which is why we went in) and no contractions to delivering my baby in about 8 hours. Just 3 days before at my prenatal exam I had a soft cervix, but the baby was high and I was not at all dilated. As I had hoped, I was able to labor and birth without pain medications and delivered my child vaginally - without tearing even, and in just one push. Though, I'm pretty sure I had been ready to push for a few contractions at the least. Even though Toad was absent for my labor, he made it for the birth and my little sister did a great job of helping me during labor.

Anyhow - the point of all this is....
We are planning another natural hospital birth.

I had really really wanted to deliver our second child at a birth center, attended by a midwife and have a doula present to help with labor. I looked into the birth center we have here - and it is a fantastic facility. One I was really excited about using! However, Neither Toad nor myself have insurance. Turtle-Love and I are receiving medical assistance through FAMIS. It is like medicaid but you have a co-pay, we didn't qualify for medicaid this time because we are married. At least I assume that is why because our income hasn't changed since our last pregnancy and birth, which I received medicaid coverage for. Anyhow, the birth center doesn't take FAMIS and we couldn't afford the expense out of pocket. I tried to come up with ways that we could afford it, but it never really worked out in my favor. So, we - or rather I, because this is my body and Toad supports that - decided to go back to the same OB office, through which we would deliver at the hospital.

There was another big factor in this decision though, and that is the possibility of delivering early again. The birth center wont let you deliver there unless you are at least 36 weeks. I delivered Turtle-Love at 35 weeks, and there is a chance I could deliver earlier this time around. I don't know the percentage of that potentially happening but it is a reality I have to face. As it stands the hospital we are using will not allow you to deliver there unless you have reached at least 34 weeks. If I go into labor prior to 34 weeks, I'll have to go to the other hospital in town. Don't get me wrong - that hospital is great! In fact, Turtle-Love was transferred to their amazing NICU the day after he was born, and stayed there for close to 2 weeks. I have plenty of friends who have delivered there and very few of them have poor things to say. But it is a teaching hospital meaning there would be multiple medical students present. The hospital we are planning to use is a private facility and is known to be natural birth friendly.

And so... we are planning a natural hospital birth.

We are taking a number of steps to get ready for this go round. In fact, all five of the steps listed in the above blog post at Natural Parents Network.

We are educating ourselves. I have researched and pinned a ton of things onto a "Birth board" on Pinterest - let me know if you want a link! Of course I'm looking at multiple resources, books, websites, videos, etc. Hubz and I started watch The Business of Being Born last night and will continue it tonight.

I know that while someone attending our birth may have an opinion that differs from mine, I don't necessarily need to make waves about it. If it isn't effecting my care, or support, or myself or my child - that person's opinion is just an opinion and nothing more. Anything more than that and I know it is MY CHOICE. I will be at a facility that is working for me. These doctors and nurses will be working for me and my baby. If at anytime I'm not comfortable with them, I can request new care attendants.

We are making a birth plan - and having it handy in multiple formats. Including, a quick and concise version that fits on a dang index card for quick reference. Have you guys seen these? I found them both on Pinterest... PS I ♥ Plus Size Birth and Plus Size Mommy Memoirs

This is on the PSMM Facebook page as well as their Pinterest

I'm not sure where this one came from at all, but I found it on Pinterest

I have a fantastic support team. Every single one of them knows what I want, and how badly I want it, and are learning how to help me advocate for it when the time comes. ♥

We are also going to be taking a child birth prep course. I'll tell you which one very soon! Some people think this is silly because we have done this already - classes and actually birthing of a child - but I think it is important to learn as much as possible and have a refresher course. After all, I gave birth over 2 years ago now. You cannot be too prepared for birth.

Gender Reveal + Party details

Hey guys!

So my sisters threw us a big Gender Reveal Party, and it was great. We thought it would be a great idea to have a gender reveal party, mostly because it looked like fun and I like parties! Also because my little sister is apparently a stickler for tradition and thinks you shouldn't have baby showers for your second baby - unless it is a different sex from your first child or there is a significant age gap. -_- Meh. I say parties for all! Buuut, just in case we were having a boy I didn't want my baby to get skipped on the festivites and celebrations... so a gender reveal party was the most awesome idea ever.

Here are the details::

My little sister threw this together after what I'm sure amounted to more than several inspiration hours on sites like Pinterest and Etsy. Oh, we are BIG Pinterest and Etsy fans over here folks, just so you know. Isn't this adorable?! I'm not the biggest supporter of traditional gender roles and colors etc. However, I agreed with her that somethings are better to conform to society with for the sake of the party. Woot for her decision to go with a blue and pink that aren't so pastel-y baby-licious ♥

Aside from deciding I liked the mustache vs bow idea, my older sister wanted to keep nearly everything else about the party a secret. So I didn't get to see anything or know anything about the party! We didn't even get to find out the sex at our ultrasound, only my older sister did! I have to admit, it made things pretty exciting :-)

Anyhow - let's dive into the party details! NOTE: These pictures were taken with a not-so-awesome camera phone. I'm still waiting to find out if anyone else at the party got better shots but these will do for sharing. I'm impatient and didn't want to wait any longer to tell you all!

When the guests walked in they were faced with a choice: If they thought I was having a boy they chose a mustache, and is they thought I was having a girl they chose a bow. They also had to write their names on the board so we could keep score, of course. Also on the table were tiny wooden clothes pins for the "Don't say baby" game, booklets full of the other games to play, as well as pens. PS: The containers the booklets and pens are in are definitely little claw foot bathtubs. Cute!

It is hard to see, but there were more people on Team Bow than Team Mustache. The hubz and I grabbed one of each, he a bow and I a mustache, just for the heck of it. I wasn't telling anyone what my motherly intuition told me. At least, not at the party ;-)

One of the games we played had everyone write down up to three old wives tales about gender prediction. Some of them included baby's heart rate, activity level, the one about having your "beauty stolen", being sick all the time, the wedding ring suspended over your belly button bit, and the list goes on. Finally tally was 7 Mustache, and 6 Bow.

Other games included the one pictured above, Name That 'Stache! (or lips) where you had to name the celebrity the 'stache or lips belonged to; a bottle chugging contest, celebrity baby name match up (match the baby's name to the celebrity parent), three separate diaper games - The first blind folded with flat cloth diapers and diaper pins, five women (actually 3 women 1 preteen girl and an honorary dad) had to put the diaper on a balloon without popping it, while blind folded. The second blind folded with disposable diapers and baby dolls, for the men (actually 4 men and 1 preteen boy) to compete with. The third was that game where you melt different chocolate bars into a diaper and everyone has to guess "what baby ate". I think that was all of the games, but I may be missing one or two.

My older sister made these "Baby Game Trophies" for the game winners to receive along with their winning prize. They were pretty dang cute actually, and made me giggle.

Of course no party is complete without food! Here is the spread, pre aditional pinwheel wraps, veggie tray, fruit tray, and chocolate dip.The table was split into to sides...

"Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of"
On the boy's side we had pinwheel wraps to represent the snails portion. Chicken salad with apple, plain chicken salad, and this chicken taco style one? It has chicken, cream cheese, and taco seasoning in it. All delicious. We also had pigs in a blanket - or hot dogs rolled in crescent roll like bread for the puppy dog tails bit. Note the more masculine food stands -> cake stands my little sister made for my bridal shower last September out of ceramic plates and candlesticks.

 "Sugar and spice and all things nice, that's what little girls are made of"
On the girl's side we had powdered sugar donuts, of course for the sugar portion, and Boston Cream Pie cupcakes made by yours truly (me) for the all things nice bit. Chocolate, cake..... what isn't nice about that?! Note the more decadent and feminine food stands on this side, something my older sister had on hand from previous functions.

Of course in the center was the drinks. Water and punch, complete with striped straws, green on the boys side and purple on the girls. (Two of my favorite colors!)

 

The water bottles were covered in duck tape - lips for girls and mustaches for boys. Cute!

 

Party favors were also provided, sets of magnets my little sister made. Everyone got a bow and a mustache magnet, and they are freaking adorable.

After fun, games, socializing, and delicious food and cake there was only one thing left to do....
This is the box my older sister and her boyfriend built for the occasion. She filled it with balloons and had it placed at the top of our stairs....

...

...

...

...

...

...

Are you ready?!

...

...

We are having a little girl!!!

The hubz and I are both very excited! In fact, nearly everyone is excited. We keep hearing how we are "so lucky to get one of each" etc. etc. .... it is great to feel all the excitement from everyone. Of course, our biggest thing isn't the sex of our child... we are just hoping for a full term, healthy, baby.

But you know adorably cute tiny dresses don't hurt.....

Breastfeeding milestone: 2 years

Our little Turtle-Love turned two on the 5th. How on Earth did we become parents to a toddler???? Today, the 10th, now marks our 2 year anniversary of breastfeeding. Go check out the post I wrote in January recapping our first year - stuff about learning to nurse in the NICU, supply issues, supplementing, etc...

Check it out - Our Breastfeeding Journey Thus Far

We have managed to make it through that, and have continued breastfeeding through my first trimester and part of the second thus far with our second child. Last month we had a bit of trouble when the two of us came down with Thrush.  I noticed Turtle-Love wasn't nursing as much then, and has since slowed down to only 2 times a day during the week, and maybe 3 or 4 times on the weekend unless he isn't feeling well which of course means he is attached to my "boo-boos" all dang day. I'm not complaining though! He has continued to nurse and we have now reached our two year mark with success!

Now I'm facing an issue - not a terrible horrible or pressing issue, but an issue none the less.  I asked Turtle-Love yesterday while he was nursing if he was drinking milk from mama's boo-boos. He said no around my breast, and then continued nursing. I thought maybe he was thinking of the kind of milk he gets in his cereal, because he certainly knows the difference. I decided to try and hand express on the other side, but received nothing. This morning in the shower I attempted to hand express again, and again received nothing.

It would seem that at 18 weeks my supply is either non-existent, or nearly non existent. I asked him before bed if he was getting milk from mommy's boo-boos and he said yes, so who knows. I've already proven by my lack of pumping awesome that my bad just does not produce milk for anything other than my child, my hand included. So maybe I still have a very little supply left. I've never been able to feel let down - so I can't really judge that way. So he is either getting very little milk (trying to watch for swallowing on a nursing while hoping and jumping and climbing toddler is not the easiest thing in the world) or he is dry nursing. To be honest, either way I'm not going to wean him. He will still self wean, and stop nursing when he is ready. I am hoping to boost my supply (or re-lactate) in the next few days, as I'd like to keep giving him breastmilk through flu season at the least. I decided to post this on the Unlatched Facebook Page and see what suggestions were offered.

Check out the responses here (link to the post - in case more are added after this is published!)

I was encouraged to see that there were other women dry nursing during their pregnancies, and I will be checking out some lactation recipes without fenugreek for cookies and other goodies. I don't have access to a pump so that isn't and option for us and Turtle-Love as I mentioned only nurses a handful of times a day. I may try eating more oatmeal - and I already eat a fair amount of sticky rice (had some for lunch!) since my family is Asian. We will see how things go.

I don't have a ton of pictures like I did in my January story, because most of them are of him sleeping and nursing :-) So here is one that I took yesterday morning before he officially woke up ♥

How I reacted to attachment parenting on the Today show

I logged in to Facebook this morning and immediately saw a status update from one of my best friends..

" Attachment parenting on the Today show now.. "

Unfortunately I'm at work, and the status was posted an hour prior to when I saw it. Though I had a feeling what they would be talking about, with the most recent cover of Time magazine that just came out, and their article on attachment parenting. I went and commented on how I missed the show, but that I hadn't heard great things about the magazine coverage and that a fellow blogger that I read was in the spread! Then I noticed a comment on my friends status...

"I'm all for breast feeding but at 3 years old?!, there are better ways to form a strong bond with your child."

Immediately, I knew I had something to say. I thought about my words, and chose them carefully. I couldn't NOT respond, because I felt there was an opportunity to share the information I've gathered as well as my own opinion. I didn't want my comment to be seen negatively so I tried my best to be factual while stating my opinion in a non-pushy way...

"I don't see a problem with extended breast feeding personally. The average weaning age internationally is actually around 4 years old, so 3 is more than acceptable. Breast milk never loses it's benefits, after all it was specifically designed to nourish the child and continues to change with their needs. As long as the breast feeding relationship is positive I don't see an issue. Sure, there are other ways to bond with your child - but I enjoy the one on one time I get with my 17 month old son while we nurse. Also, I'm personally happy knowing that if my son gets a stomach bug or if for any other reason he is unable to hold down food, by still nursing him I can ensure that he will receive enough nutrients to keep him strong, he will continue to receive the antibodies I'm building up against illness, and he will be less likely to dehydrate while sick as long as he nurses. We will continue to maintain a breastfeeding relationship for as long as it remains positive and my son decides to self wean. That could be tomorrow or two years from now and either way is okay for our family. Everyone has their own opinion of course, and different things work well for different families. To each their own :-)"

How do you think I handled it? Not bad right? At least I hope.

Soon after posting that reply it occurred to me I might be asking for trouble - or causing drama on my friends page. So I started worrying, and mentally preparing a private message or text to her apologizing for causing problems... Instead I get a notification that she (my friend) commented on her status as well. It reads...

"‎Samantha - do a blog on this TODAY!"

Haha! I should have known! Nicole is my own personal cheerleader when it comes to my blog. In fact, she just finished organizing a planner for me - complete with blog topic suggestions and reminders to actually blog. I should have known that would be her response! And so... here I am. Blogging about it.

...and still mentally preparing the apology that may be necessary for causing trouble on her page, just in case...

I located the piece on Attachment Parenting by the Today Show. You can watch it here ---> http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/47385461#47385461

Once I started watching I had so many internal comments I had to pause, pull up my blog page, and prepare to take notes. So, lets begin this together...

Note: The quotes I provide were pulled right off the transcript provided by the video clip

I do agree that attachment parenting can seem overwhelming before you get started - or if you are an outsider looking in. However, for me most of it just seems like the natural, easy, and right thing to do. I'm still learning as I go, and I certainly am not an expert on attachment parenting. Not even close. In fact, while I was pregnant I claimed I would never put my baby in bed with me. Umm, yeah I changed my mind. At 17 months old, he has been sleeping with us since month 1.

I do not agree that attachment parenting is the new extreme in raising a baby - most likely because I do not see it as extreme at all, but I could understand how someone else might.

I do not agree that attachment parenting makes things more complicated <-- perhaps I miss understood her statement? If anything attachment parenting has made my life more simple. I wont get into that right now, this is specifically a discussion on the news coverage and how I feel about it. This particular snipit, really bugs me, they are referring to Dr. Sears

...his 1992 "the baby book" put a heavy emphasis on a mother devoting extraordinary time and energy to her baby. For some it raises a red flag.

Umm, what? I'm pretty sure nearly every mother, attachment parenting or not, puts extraordinary time and energy into her baby. That is her child. She is responsible for raising the baby. You can't just sit the baby in a corner and hope for the freaking best. You. Raise. The. Baby. You care for the baby. And raising and caring for a child is absolutely extraordinary, it absolutely takes a deep devotion of time, and energy. Regardless of the parenting style you feel you align with (or not).

The word training is mentioned in regard to 'training' the child for the real world. I just want to go on record here saying that I've come to dislike the word 'training' as it pertains to children. We teach, we encourage, we show, we suggest, we explain, we provide insight. We try to help them learn and grow, and in the process we do too.

The woman speaking at that point mentions it isn't good to let the child believe the whole world revolves around them, because the whole world doesn't revolve around anybody. And I agree. However,

you had better believe and understand just as my son does that MY whole world does revolve around him. And he can always expect that. As can any future children we may have. Can you not agree that your child(ren) are the center of your life?

I love that Dr. Sears repeatedly brings up balance. He is right - it (attachment parenting) is not extreme. If you balance your needs and your child's needs you will all be happy. All of life is about balance people!
I feel like the interviews went well. I could see how the reporter (Savannah?) was trying to stir up trouble (is that not her job? You can't fault her for it..) and that Dr. Sears, Jaime, and Jeffrey Kluger from Time Magazine handled the discussion and questions well.

There have been other comments on the Facebook status that I mentioned above, from a different person. The responses basically state that extended breastfeeding does not occur in Europe (ummm...) specifically in Poland. Also that responding to your child's every cry makes them a sissy. Also that the person 'tells the world how it is' and other people 'take things so personally'.

My responses...

#1
The international average as in taking the average year from each country, globally, and finding the most common age that weaning occurs. Now that I have explained it this way, the word 'average' is misleading, and for that I apologize. And there are plenty of women in European countries who breastfeed past the first year of life.

There is also a difference between responding to your child's needs and cries (attachment parenting) and doting on their every whim (permissive parenting). My son, while young, understands that he does not get everything he wants if that is what you are thinking responding to their cries means. As a mother who does practice many attachment parenting principals, when my son cries I respond to his cries differently, depending on what he needs. Because of my strong bond with him, it isn't hard to figure out. He doesn't have all of the language or understanding to express how he feels yet because he is still growing and learning what these feelings are. So, for example, if he throws a fit because I told him no I'm not going to walk away from him or expect him to stop screaming just because he is told to. I'm going to talk to him, and ask him to tell me what he needs. And even at just 17 months this works really well. And if he was told he can't have the remote and he tells me that is what he wants, he still doesn't get it. Instead I will provide him with an alternative and we will go from there.

Responding to his needs has not made him a sissy. I think Nicole can vouche for that ;-) as she babysit my son during the week. I also do not believe it will make him one. Being a 'sissy' also wont make me love him any less or treat him any differently - it will only mean I have to help him cope and understand the world around him, which it is my job as his mother to do anyways, regardless of my parenting style choice. I understand you (and many others) may have a different opinion on all of this, and I respect that.

I actually found this blog post about an hour ago that helps to explain attachment parenting to someone who doesn't quite know or really understand what it is. I hope that anyone who is curious will read it.
http://thegoodletdown.blogspot.com/2011/03/guide-to-understanding-attachment.html"

There are so many other things I would like to point out - about how Dr. Sears specifically mentions that he has yet to meet an attachment parent with a child who is a school bully. Which is great! But does this person believe that anyone who is not a bully is a sissy? It is hard to say. I would hope not. I hope to raise my child with balance and that he will be confident enough in himself that he neither feel the need to bully others or take abuse from someone else.

#2

I am glad that you feel that your child is growing and handling the world so well. I truly am, and I hope that your relationship with her continues to go as well as you want and that she flourishes in every way.

You are right, the numbers show that in Poland the number of women breastfeeding for the first 6 months continuing to breastfeed past 6 months is 10%. However, In other countries in Europe such as Sweden, at 53%, Norway at 50%, it is most likely more common. I realize that is just 'after 6 months' and does not specifically mention toddlers, but I can see where you are coming from as far as this 'not being the norm'. (numbers from kellymom.com who sites a reputable study) I know there are women I interact with on a daily basis outside of the United States that are breast feeding toddlers, so it does happen. Can I say specifically in Poland? No, but I can't say it absolutely does not happen either.

Just because something isn't the societal norm doesn't make it bad.

I have the right to make a decision on how I should best care for my child. Based on my child's needs, and the way I feel I should respond to him. Just as you have a right and the ability to raise your child differently. Does that make your child better than mine, or mine better than yours? Absolutely not. Does that make you a better parent, or me a better parent? Not in my opinion. It just means we have made different choices. I assume we are all after the same thing in raising our children. We want the to grow well, to prosper, to be caring, successful, and above all happy. However you feel is best to get your baby to that place, so be it. Different people make different choices and I'll stand behind that every time.

Because I respond to my sons every cry does not mean that he will need to hold my hand through all of life. In fact he is already quite independent for his age. He doesn't always need me. He doesn't even always want me. But every time he cries, I respond appropriately in a way that will encourage him to learn and understand him self and the world around him. I don't walk behind him constantly kissing his boo-boos, covering him in bubble wrap, or preventing him from truly experiencing the world around him. He is caring while strong. He is opinionated (already, yeesh!) and very much his own person, but loves to spend time with other people getting cuddles and hugs and kisses, or dancing like a fool. He is so happy and well rounded and generally a delightful little guy to be around, there is nothing anyone could say to me that would lead me to believe I am doing something wrong. Just as I would assume you feel the same about how you raise your child.

And so you know, I am not taking this discussion personally. I find this to be a healthy debate!





I'm sure I'll continue to have other interactions throughout the day, be on this particular post or others, regarding this issue.

Has anyone been questioning (or even attacking) your parenting principles lately?

Our breast feeding journey thus far

**NOTE: This post contains pictures of breast feeding.

Today we are celebrating 13 months of breastfeeding.

Ugh, rewind please. I thought your son turned 13 months old on the 5th?
Oh. Right. Well, We weren't able to breastfeed until day 5. So, today we celebrate.

Hooray!

Before I ever even considered the thought of pregnancy, I knew I would breast feed. My mother breast fed, her mother breast fed, breast feeding was the way to go. Of course babies drank out of bottles and had formula sometimes, but I would breastfeed.

In April 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our surprise baby. I started reading and researching and doing everything I could to educate my self on as much as possible. All of this made me more determined to breast feed. I would be successful, because my mother was, and her mother was, and

I had no reason to believe I wouldn't be able to exclusively breastfeed.

I also had no reason to believe I would deliver my child, 5 weeks premature.

When Turtle-Love was born, at 35 weeks 3 days gestation, I was too busy contracting and wondering if my baby was going to be okay to even think about when we could start breast feeding. We got to spend about a minute with him after his birth when he hiccuped and his color changed. I notified the nurse immediately, they had thought we would get 30 minutes with him before he needed to go to the nursery, but that didn't happen. They rushed him off to help him breathe. Little Turtle-Love was under an oxy-hood in the nursery for that day and the next, and was then transported to the NICU at another hospital and placed on a CPAP.

What does any of that have to do with breastfeeding? For us, everything.

Since Turtle-Love couldn't really breathe on his own efficiently and without serious effort and strain on his body, he obviously couldn't nurse. They waited a whole day to see if he would be able to go to breast, which he couldn't, before deciding I should be pumping. I was provided a hospital grade pump on loan at the hospital, which was replaced later that day by the one WIC gave me. The lactation consultant I met with at our birthing hospital was great - and I left there feeling good about pumping. She was impressed I was expressing so quickly, and because my milk "sprayed". I felt like I would be the milk producing champ I had always thought I would be, like my mother. (To this day I bet she could express milk, and her children are in their 20's!)

I spent 4 days exclusively pumping, getting a few mLs here, and a couple mLs there. The lactation consultant had given me a syringe with a tube attached so I could suck up every little drop in the flanges etc. That stuff is liquid gold, you know. I was thankful the NICU had pumps there for me to use, so I only had to cart my horns and flanges and tubes and a sterilizing bag around, (only?!) and not the pump too (oh right, that thing is big and clunky!). They even had a mother's room with comfortable chairs, snacks, juice, and a TV. Every three hours, or as close to it as I could get, I spent 15-20 minutes holding my pump horns up to my breasts and pumping. I don't even know how long I spent after words washing, sterilizing, and drying all of the parts, labeling each syringe containing colostrum with Turtle-Love's personalized little medical stickers, and hand writing a date and time. It seemed like I would spend a whole hour in the pumping room, between setting up, pumping, and cleaning up. Sometimes it actually took longer. It was awkward to be pumping in front of other women at times, and I didn't know what to expect. I would see other moms come in to pump. Some NICU mommas, some nurses with babies at home. Everyone was there for the same purpose, doing the same thing.

And everyone was expressing more milk than I knew could be made.

One mother I met in the mother's room was pumping for her daughter, who was now 3 months old(if I remember correctly) and still in the NICU. She had been born very early, and her twin sister had not survived. My heart ached for her when she told me her story. She was in pumping for her daughter as often as I was for my son. She regularly pumped 4+ ounces at a time! She told me she had an entire freezer full of milk at home, and that her storage space at the NICU was always completely full. We had bonded a bit, and it felt good. It felt good to have someone there in the same place who understood what it was like. I had such high hopes of being able to pump like her.

Like all the other moms I saw pumping.

The mom's who produced 4+ ounces while I struggled to slurp up 10 and 20 mL with my syringe.

I was feeling okay about it though. That is, until I found out the hospital was giving him formula.

He was still unable to go to breast, so all the milk I was pumping was being given to him through an NG tube. They were giving him a specific amount of milk every three hours and I noticed after coming back from dinner one time that there was evidence of him receiving formula. I was crushed. I was mad, hurt, upset, and felt betrayed. I had just spoken with a lactation consultant the night before, who was also his nurse. She had given him a label that said he loved mother's milk - their way of noting that he should be exclusively breast milk fed. So why did someone give him formula?! I was ready to lay into whoever did this to my baby! I was furious! I confronted a nurse about it, nicely, and her response was that I wasn't making enough. I had just enough left for his feedings the last time I checked, and I had turned in more. Maybe not exactly enough, but they had it! Why didn't he get it?!

Because they upped his feeding amount. They increased how much they wanted him to be getting, and because there wasn't enough breast milk they mixed it with formula. Bring on the tears.

Not only did I feel like a failure because I birthed my baby too soon, but because on top of that I couldn't feed him.

I could not make what they wanted for him. I didn't understand why they needed to increase his feedings, every day. They wanted to stretch his little tummy out! That sounded just horrible. I hate feeling overfull, I could only imagine how my poor child felt as I watched them check to see if he had digested his last feeding, only half, and continued to push a full feeding in on top anyways. I was sick with grief, and frustration, and the feeling of not being able to save my baby from this awful policy that made no sense to me. My body was designed to produce what he needed, why wasn't it enough?!

How could I be such a horrible mother?

From that point all of his NG tube feedings were part breast milk, and part formula. However, I was finally allowed to put him to breast! I was so excited, the moment had finally come! Not only was my baby getting better, but he was getting better to the point hecould actually eat!

Preparing to breast feed for the first time

I was terrified.

I always had a pang of fear each time I held my son. He was connected to so many things. Electrodes, monitors, his CPAP machine, and two umbilical IV lines. Time and time again I had been told to be so careful of them, because if they tore out the risk of him bleeding out and dying was very severe. Thankfully they had been removed, but that didn't stop me from being terrified.

What if he still couldn't breathe well enough to eat at the same time?

What if he choked?

What if he didn't know how?

What if I didn't know how?


With the supervision of Turtle-Love's nurse, who was also a lactation consultant, and the support of Turtle-Love's other nurse, Toad, and my sister, I put him to breast. It took a moment, but he latched! And well!

It was so sweet to finally get to feed my son, they way I had always known I would!

The lactation consultant was so pleased with our form, and they way we fit perfectly together and how good his latch was, she called the other two consultants and told them they needed to see this.

I felt relieved, so relieved and happy. Finally, I felt like I was doing something right as his mother!

The long awaited moment

We started breastfeeding at every feeding we were there for the next day. We had trouble with him snuggling up and falling asleep after a few good moments of nursing. I would feed him, and cuddle him, and hand him off to Daddy for cuddles. Then I would pump, wash, sterilize, dry. Every three hours I spent two hours nursing and pumping. At his midnight weigh in though, he had lost weight.

What? How did this happen? I was immediately told I was not producing enough and that we needed to give him bottles. Bottles? What about nipple confusion? What about him being exclusively breast fed? I thought we were doing so well! Everyone seemed so pleased with our progress, what happened?

I put my foot down. I wanted him exclusively breastfed.

They made arrangements for us to stay the night with him, now that he wasn't on any machines or oxygen, we could stay with him. We could stay in the family suite in the NICU so that I could continue to breast feed through the night. I was so relieved, and yet terrified.

We were going to spend the night with our son for the very first time.

We did well nursing through the night. I thought he was doing a great job latching - but I had never been able to feel let down, or feel milk come out, I could only feel him suckling. He was a very content little boy, hanging out with Mommy all night and the next day.

Turtle-Love's first bottle

At his next weigh in he had gained weight, but they still weren't happy. We were told we had to give him a bottle after every nursing session because I wasn't pumping enough they said I wasn't making enough milk - so be it formula or breast milk he had to get something after every feed, in a bottle.

Even with pumping after every nursing session, I had only pumped enough milk to make two supplements. The lactation consultants didn't see anything wrong with how I was pumping, or how he was nursing. Everything seemed fine - it just wasn't enough.

If we exclusively breastfed, he could lose weight or not gain and he couldn't come home until he gained more weight.
Our choices were to leave him in the NICU longer, while we waited for my milk to hopefully come in and for him to start gaining, or to give him the supplements and help him gain faster so he could come home.

We chose the supplements. I wanted my baby home. Coming home meant he was okay, really and truly okay. My thought had been, we would supplement at the hospital like they wanted, but once we got home and he was doing well we would just breast feed. The next night our son graduated from the NICU, and we brought him home.

After bath time

I continued to nurse him every three hours like we had been, once we got home. However, We were sleeping 5-6 hours at night. I also continued pumping after each session, and putting the milk into the freezer. Most of the time I was still able to collect it in syringes, and in the mornings I would pump one side while he fed the other and went back to sleep which gave me just enough to be too much for a 10 mL syringe most days, and a little more than that on occasion.

His weight check reveled that he wasn't gaining enough weight in their opinion, so we were back to supplementing. One ounce after each day time nursing session. I hated it. I was furious and didn't think it was necessary. Gaining was gaining! But I didn't want to not give him the supplement and for him to not grow.
I quickly ran out of breast milk and gave in to giving him half formula for the supplements, he had already gotten the formula in the hospital so it just didn't seem to matter as much anymore. I was too exhausted to be bothered with pumping after every session anymore. It was too much work to nurse, pump, label, store, wash, sterilize. By the time I was done with all that, assuming my son allowed me to do much of anything, it seemed like it was time to nurse again. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't getting anything after he ate, what was the point? All that work for no pay off, I wanted to enjoy my baby. Where was my blissful motherhood?

So I continued to pump just in the mornings. His supplements became more and more formula, and less and less breast milk.

Turtle-Love had been nursing every 90 minutes, if not sooner, and continued to do so. I was told he nursed too often, and to space him out. How was I supposed to do that? If he was hungry, I put him to breast. End of story. I was supposed to skip a nursing session? But that would mean my supply could go down because it wasn't being demanded... This was the opposite of the advice I had received elsewhere which was to let him nurse on demand. What was I supposed to do?

Nothing was ever good enough.

I felt like the people closest to me were undermining me. Giving my son bottles every chance they had. I felt like everyone tried to 'fatten up' my perfect little baby. I constantly felt like what I could provide him wasn't good enough, that I wasn't good enough. But I never gave up. I didn't let it keep me down. The lactation consultant I spoke with, the doctors I talked to, my family members... no one believed I was, or could, produce enough milk for my son. I was it. I was the only person in my corner.

I was practically willing my supply to be there.

To be enough. I hoped, and I hoped, and I hoped.

I even bought a digital scale. I would weigh him before and after most feeds. I even did it before and after his supplements - to prove it worked. The issue became I couldn't account for his output. If he peed while he was nursing, the weight comparison would be off and I didn't have the brain power at the time to calculate for absorption or to Google whether or not a diaper would weigh specifically the amount output more, or if there was some type of exchange. The math and the attempt to keep records of every weigh in before and after every feed got to me, and I stopped obsessing. Well, I stopped doing it every day. The numbers were proving nothing in either direction - only causing me frustration.

Nursing to sleep

After a couple months of this, we were finally able to stop supplements. The day our pediatrician was happy with his weight gain was a fantastic one. I felt so relieved. I could relax. I didn't need to stress, and weigh, and worry, and count. His pediatrician was content with his growth rate, he was small and grew a little slower but very steadily.

At the office with Mommy =)

I returned to work at my office (I had been working from home)around that same time. I was unable to pump what he needed while I was at work. I was only getting between 1 and 2 ounces at a time, every 2 hours - I only work 6 hour days. Turtle-Love was eating 4 ounces two, sometimes three times while I was at work. He nursed both sides in the mornings and all through the night so pumping in the morning wasn't an option anymore, if I wanted to get anything from it. Turtle-Love had to continue to receive formula bottles on the days I didn't have enough breast milk at home for him. Which was more often than not.

Where were my magically flowing milk ducts?

Why wasn't I pumping 4+ ounces at a time?

I spoke with the lactation consultant at the pediatricians office. She recommended I pump less often. Every three hours, instead of every two. It sounded far fetched, but I tried it.

I was no milk spewing fountain, but I found what worked.

I finally figured out I had to pump for 30 minutes not 15 and I had to pump every 3-4 hours not every 2 in order to get a decent volume.

I was finally pumping almost 4 ounces.

I was almost like the milk goddesses I had seen.

The trouble is - almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
I was only able to pump once or twice at work, getting around 5 ounces for the day. My son had started eating 5 ounces per bottle, two or three times while I was gone.

I just accepted it. It was hard to swallow - but I was tired of fighting my body. I was tired of worrying, of counting, measuring, stressing. We were breastfeeding. If I was home, he was breastfed. That had to be good enough, because that was all that I could do.

I had to learn to let that be good enough.

Eventually we fell into a routine. Breast milk bottle in the morning after I leave for work (he wakes up 10 minutes after I leave, no matter what time I leave) and I would pump an hour after arriving. If it was a day I took him to the sitter (or brought the sitter to him) when my mom left for work, I would nurse him before heading back. He would usually take a bottle before I made it home, and I'm so very lucky that my sitter(and friend) is amazing. Sometimes Turtle-Love takes 2 bottles before I get home, but others If I didn't need to take him to the sitter (or the sitter to him) because Daddy was home, or one of his aunt's were visiting - of course I would stay at work and pump.

I need to mention how much I love my job. They have been so supportive of my adventure into motherhood - I was able to work from home until Turtle-Love was 6 months old. Then my office mate was kind enough to let me pump at my desk =) Much love to you! Of course, she is a very unique person - not the slightest bit squeamish, never bothered about me pumping or feeding at work. She pretty much rocks anyways. I've even been lucky enough to be able to bring Turtle-Love in to the office if needed. In fact, his pack n play (all though rarely used) has a special spot in our office. Of course there is also the fact that everyone who works here likes his little smiling face and high spirit =)

All smiles

The hospital grade double electric pump I was provided through WIC had to be returned at his one year appointment. I haven't pumped in a whole month. On the one hand it feels great to be rid of that beast. On the other, my boobs really hurt by the time I get off. Especially if I didn't get to see him mid day.

Turtle-Love still breastfeeds. As a matter of fact, he is quite in love with 'the boobie' and any excuse to latch. I'm very happy we are continuing to breastfeed, and I have enjoyed almost every moment of almost every feeding(I don't know of anyone who enjoys being bitten when teeth come in - yeeouch!). I feel that we will be continuing to nurse for at least a few more months, maybe longer - I'll continue to nurse him until he weans himself. He does still take a bottle of formula in the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon with the sitter as well. He does eat 'real food' and has breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks as well. We will probably wean him off of the formula this month, now that he is a year old, as well as a year adjusted.

An adjusted age is used when a baby is born prematurely. The adjusted age date is your due date. When you have a child born prematurely their birthdate is their real age of course. However, many doctors will use their adjusted age when looking at growth and development because preemies have to continue to develop outside the womb. So while Turtle-Love is now 13 months old, when we look at his height/weight/growth/development we are comparing to 12 month olds, because he was born a month early. I hope that isn't too confusing!

So - has breast feeding gone successfully? Well, yes.

Climbing 'Mount Boobie' before bed

I feel like so much emphasis is put on exclusively breast feeding. At least, the articles and blogs I come across are geared this way. Exclusively breastfeeding is great! However, it took me a long, long, long time to accept that I was doing the best I could. That I am doing the best I can.

That we have and are continuing to successfully breast feed.

We have been able to breast feed, even if not exclusively, for thirteen whole months. I find this to be a wonderful accomplishment and I am very happy to say that I no longer feel guilty, or like a failure, because I could not produce enough.

I can and do produce enough. Enough to help. Enough to make a difference. Enough to give him as much as I can.

I also love that my son has been able to teach me just a little bit about expectations, and what I can do with them =) However, I'll subscribe to hope, any and pretty much every day.

Now you can scroll through a couple more pictures from the past 13 months of us breastfeeding. Including at the March of Dimes March for Babies, while out for ice cream, and at our wedding!

Strolling around town eating ice cream
(and a milk shake?)

Walking through downtown while nursing
during the March for Babies

Yes, that is the ceiling. Because he likes to push me over
and walk around my head. While nursing.

'The boobie dance'

Nursing break during our wedding

Yes, we are nursing while in my wedding gown at my wedding
(Yes, I and all my bridesmaids wore Chuck Taylors)

Nursing at the office just before the holidays

Trying out for the Nursing Olympics: Lap Exercises

While writing some of this blog post