Birth Boot Camp Review

I am currently editing the birth story for Little Bean. In the meantime, I owe you all a review of Birth Boot Camp.

I mentioned before that we were using Birth Boot Camp to prepare for the birth of our second child. I talked about it a couple of times. Some people thought we were silly for taking birthing classes for our second child - especially since their births are only 2 1/2 years apart and we had taken a birthing class before Turtle-Love was born. I have to say, we are both very glad to have gone ahead with the Birth Boot Camp classes.

We live in Virginia, and at present there are no Birth Boot Camp Instructors here (maybe in the near future I hope), and Toad's work schedule is a bit crazy because it is event based, so we likely wouldn't have been able to attend all of the in person classes anyhow - so we went with online classes.

There are ups and downs to online classes - I do really well with them because I can take them at my own pace in my own spare time. Also because the videos are pre-recorded and available to you for 3 months (even though it is a 10 week course) you can go over them as many times and as often as needed. Toad, however, is more of a hands on learner so he found the classes a little more difficult to focus on. After a couple tries, he found what worked for him to be able to focus.

Even though we could take the classes at our own time, we still had scheduling difficulties. His schedule and my schedule rarely worked up to give us time other than at night to do the classes when we were very tired. Also, Turtle-Love is 2, and I didn't want to give up any more time with him than vitally necessary which made it difficult to do the classes as well. Imagine watching a video you need to pay attention to while your 2 year old decides he has discovered he can climb o.0 We ended up having someone watch him a couple times - which meant he was hanging out downstairs with family while we were in our apartment because of our unique living situation. There was also a tragic death in our family that kept us away from birth preperations for a bit. As we started running out of time we watched a couple videos sperately and discussed them together afterwords. Even still, I had to email in and ask for an extension to our access, which was happily granted, the week Little Bean was born because we hadn't been able to finish all the classes just yet.

Birth Boot Camp really covered so many topics and provided so much information. I really didn't expect to learn as much as I did since this was our second birth, but I was so thankful for the resources provided. My pregnancy went swimmingly well, even though we did face a couple *almost* complications. Little Bean was breech for a while, and then we thought we might have to talk about induction as we quickly approached her due date.However, we never panicked because we had all this great information right at our fingertips!

There is also a wonderful workbook that comes along with these classes. It is great for sparking conversation between you and your birth team so everyone is educated and knows what to expect, and what you want and need. There are exercises and coping techniques, diagrams and charts, and even a diet plan to help you stay on track with your prenatal vitamins, water intake etc. Don't freak out over the word diet - I looked at it more as a suggested food and servings list and it really helped. I'm not sure if that is how it is meant to be honest, but I suck at diets in general and usually eat what I'm craving ;-p Hey, while you are pregnant that is absolutely allowed!

Anyhow - as I've been trying to write this on and off for TWO WEEKS now I'll wrap this up...

Whenever I meet someone who is pregnant and interested in birth classes, I pimp Birth Boot Camp out.
Anytime I talk about the birth of Little Bean I pimp Birth Boot Camp out.

The lesson here is that Birth Boot Camp helped me rock my pregnancy and my birth.

Don't worry, that story (Little Bean's birth story) is coming soon. (Lord help me, I swear it is already typed I just have to edit it and add pictures.)

Trying to relax

Turtle-Love was born 32 days before his due date.

I have 2 due dates with this kiddo - my due date via my last menstrual cycle (LMP) that the Dr's office si going by - and my due date via first ultrasound that the Ultrasound/Diagnosis center is going by (which is run by the lead Dr at my office).

We all know due dates are estimates. Or, at least we should. But that doesn't keep the majority of us (in my experience) from using them, relying on them, stressing out about them.

According to one due date (via ultrasound) I'm due 5/9 and that means yesterday I was 32 days out til my due date. CUE PANIC

Yesterday morning, despite how much I tried to relax, I was just maxed out in the stress department. It took a good cry, family support, my mother and chocolate. To finally get a good chunk of it out of my system. My little sister and I took off with Turtle-Love to my Dad's for the day. I stopped and got the yarn I needed to work on Little Bean's outfit I'm crocheting on the way out of town. I relaxed inside crocheting before lunch, and after lunch took my crocheting outside to soak up some much needed Vitamin D. My sister kept up with Turtle-Love for me while we were there - along with my Dad and Step-Mom of course - and they all came outside to play while I took in the sunshine. The weather was amazing yesterday. It was great to relax and crochet while listening and peaking at the giggles from my son while he played. I felt immensely better by the time we got home, and spent the rest of the evening relaxing and watching Army Wives on Netflix, while cuddling with Turtle-Love or watching him play with Toad.

According to my other due date (via LMP) I'll be 32 days out on Thursday. I'm referring to this 5 day period as "Doom week". The funny thing is though, I can't figure out what I'm more worried about - if she comes early or if she doesn't. Weird. I know. No one wants their baby to come early. Especially a mother who has already been through having a baby hooked up to machines in the NICU. It is terrifying to see your child that way. At the same time though - I would know what to expect. I could guesstimate at the labor and how it would go. I would know what to expect would happen once she was born. I know how the NICU works. How transferring works. How pumping and sitting at my child's side aching and waiting for it to be safe to hold them works. I know what it is like to have to leave during shift change - and using that time to finally eat more than a snack in the hall way. I know what it is like to feel guilty for sleeping too late and missing morning rounds. Or for not waking up to the alarm to pump in the middle of the night. I know what it is like to admit you are too tired to stay, that it is too late for you to be at your child's bedside anymore and that you have to go home - without them. I know what it is like to call the nurse's station before you go to sleep - before you can sleep - to check on your baby. No one wants that. But at the same time, I don't know what happens past this point. Will she be slightly early? On time? Late? What then? What will labor be like? Can I handle it? Can I birth a full term baby, or at least one that is bigger? How will I feel? Will I really wish her out before she is ready because I cannot imagine that. What is it like to be able to keep your baby with you after birth? Can I handle it? Can I handle these next few weeks and keep up with my 28 month old?? Can I keep up after she is born? It just goes on. I know, logically, that I will adjust. It might take time but I will inevitable be a mother to two children and I will absolutely love it. That doesn't keep me  from being worried about it and a thousand other things.

And so... at 35 weeks today (or 36 weeks on Thursday) I'm a little stressed out. I'm trying really really hard not to be - and just getting past yesterday was one big hurdle. I suspect Thursday may be another. Right now I'm doing okay. I have work to throw my self in to, and crocheting to do. Once this "doom week" passes, I think I'll feel up to tackling the list of things we didn't finish by this time like I had hoped.

Side note: It really sucks to have these nesting urges and be too scared to clean your house because it might cause labor -_- Slightly irrational fear? You bet'cha. Doesn't mean it isn't valid.

Cloth Diaper Stash Post

I have decided that I want to get almost everything ready for our new addition by the time I hit 35 weeks. Two reasons - 1, Turtle Love was born at 35 weeks so it's kind of a precaution. 2, I would like to relax and enjoy the last month of my pregnancy while crafting to my hearts content.

We may or may not be slightly behind on our task list now.... All last week we were out with a stomach bug and got pretty much nothing accomplished. Saturday I wore my self out entirely too much to do a whole lot yesterday. So I sat on my pregnant behind while Turtle-Love had a lazy, TV filled day (don't judge me!) and the hubz recovered from two days of hard work without sleep by napping in the recliner. While on my behind, I decided to be somewhat productive and went through and folded, organized, and cataloged our entire cloth diaper stash. Oh yeah, I did that! In fact, this may be the first time... ever that I have taken a picture of our entire stash. Every single cloth diaper we own was clean, and I hadn't put them together or folded them since they came out of the drier a week... maybe two... ago and I was tired of watching them scatter further and further in our bedroom. We had also just dug out all of the sized diapers Turtle-Love outgrew, so I literally had every piece in our stash right there in front of me.

**I'd like to quickly mention that nearly every diaper in this stash was purchased on-sale, or second hand. I like good deals :-)**

You want the pic first, or the list first?
Yeah, yeah... pic. Duh.
 

There you have it.... Our cloth diaper stash - currently. There are a handful of things not pictured, including fleece liners, some disposable inserts, trainers, snappis, and a few diapers that need repair. Let's go ahead and break down what is in the picture...

1- 4 Target Flour Sack Towels
2- 10 Diaper Rite 27x27 Flats
3- 6 Mother-Ease doublers
14 Mama's Simple Solutions zorb inserts
 5 Mama's Simple Solution's nighttime inserts
4- Mabu Baby
 4 Newborn outters
 4 Newborn washable pads
 4 Newborn disposable pads
 8 Size 1 washable pads
 4 Size 3/4 washable pads
 10 liners
5- 7 Flip covers
 8 Flip Stay-Dry inserts
6- 3 BumGenius Freetimes
 1 BottomBumpers - Small
 1 BottomBumpers - Medium
 1 Bummis AIO - Medium
 1 Kissaluvs Marvel
7- GroVia
 3 Newborn AIOs
 5 OS AIOs
 6 Shells
 2 soakers
8- 1 Alva Baby
 2 Fuzzibunz Elites (Diaper Talk series)
 2 FuzziBunz OS
 1 Thirsties Duo Diaper - Size 2
 2 Mommy's Touch Tape pocket diapers
9- 8 itti bitti tuttos
10- 3 Sunbaby 2.0s
 5 Sunbaby 3.0s
11- Oeko Popo
 2 covers - Size 2
 2 beltable prefolds - Medium
 1 pre/flat
 1 belt - Medium
12- Rumparooz
 3 OS pocket diapers with 6r Soakers
 4 Lil Joeys AIOs
13- AppleCheeks
 4 envelope covers - Size 1
 5 envelope covers - Size 2
 7 microterry inserts
 6 bamboo inserts
14- 1 Mama's Simple Solution fitted
 2 BagShotRowBaby fitteds
15- 2 Econobum covers with prefolds
16- 1 GoodMama fitted - Newborn
 1 Dream-Eze fitted - Small
 1 Dream-Eze fitted - Medium
 2 Bumboo fitteds - Size 1
17- 5 Kissaluvs fitteds - Size 0
 2 Kissaluvs fitteds - Size1
 1 Sandy's Mother-Ease fitted - Small
18- 2 unknown WAHM fitteds, sized
19- 3 unknown WAHM fitteds with doublers, one size
20- 2 Baby SoftWraps - Small
 2 Bummis Super Whisper Wraps - Newborn
 1 Bummis Super Whisper Wrap - Small
 1 Thirsties wrap - X-small
 3 Thirsties Duo Wraps - Size 1
 2 Thirsties Duo Wraps - Size 2

Missing from picture
50 Grovia Biosoakers
22 Mabu Baby disposable pads - Size 3/4
1 Bummis Swim Diaper - Large
1 Fuzzibunz Trickle-Free Trainer - Small
1 Flip Trainer with 3 inserts
2 EcoPosh Trainers - Small (Easter basket goodie!)
2 AppleCheeks doublers
1 AppleCheeks extender tabs set
2 Fuzzibunz Elite minkee inserts
2 Fuzzibunz microfiber inserts
4 Fuzzibunz replacement leg elastic sets
1 unknown microfiber insert (appeared out of no where, I suspect it belongs to a friend who stripped my diapers for me a while ago)
13 fleece liners
1 roll disposable liners
5 Mama's Simple Solutions zorb squares
1 PlanetWise pail liner
1 GoGreenPocketDiapers vinyl pail liner
2 GoGreenPocketDiapers wet bags
1 KangaCare/Rumparooz wet bag
1 itti bitti luxury wet bag
2 Bubu Bibi wet bags (One we are actually using to hold Turtle-Love's inhaler and spacer)
4 Snappis
Missing from stash entirely
3 Diaper Rite 27x27 flats
1 Flip cover
1 Bumboo fitted - Size 1
1 Fuzzibunz Trickle-Free Trainer - Small
1 EcoPosh Trainer - Medium
1 AppleCheeks Swim Diaper - Size 1
1 Bubu Bibi Wet Bag
2 Snappis
In need of repair
2 BumGenius 2/3.0s (not sure, very worn)
3 Sunbaby 2.0s (de-laminated)

So there we have it! Our cloth diaper stash. I'll admit we aren't done. After all, we will be diapering 2 soon. I'd like to have more tiny diapers for the newborn phase, and I'd like to add a couple of girlie diapers to the mix - we are lacking a splash of pink and purple. Also, I'll be participating in the Flats & Handwashing Challenge for the third year in a row, and I'll have two then. Need to add a few more flats to the stash! Some newborn size and some toddler size. I'd also like to get 2 sets of boingos to try out, and maybe a couple newborn covers :-)

Any suggestions for WAHM shops I should try? Brands I don't have that you recommend? Trainer recommendations? I'll take 'em!

Planning Our Natural Hospital Birth: The Tour

I should say, our second natural hospital birth.

You may remember my post a couple weeks ago, Struggle, where I talked about how I was struggling with where we are birthing. I really wanted a birth center birth the second time around. Unfortunately it just isn't in the cards for us between our finances and my insurance coverage. So,I'm we are doing everything we can to give us the best opportunity for a completely intervention free hospital birth. (Last time I had an IV for antibiotics - my strep test hadn't come back and he was 5 weeks early - but that was my only intervention)

Last night we went on a tour of the hospital we will be birthing at. I was delivered at this hospital, as were both of my sisters, my niece, a couple of my cousins, several of my friend's children, and I delivered Turtle-Love at this hospital too. We are lucky enough to have two amazing hospitals in town, but I've always loved this one. Of course, the other hospital has a special place in our hearts as their NICU took care of Turtle-Love his first two weeks.You may be wondering why on earth we were touring a hospital I've already spent so much time in, and that we already have experience with. Oh, well in the last two years the new building for the hospital has been completed and they have moved. So technically, we have no experience in this actual building - just with the hospital as a business now. Which has also changed, as they switched.... uhh I'll say powers? owners? Something like that. Anyhow - even if they hadn't we would have still taken the tour just to re-familiarize ourselves and brush up on any new policies.

Before going to the tour I took the time to come up with a list of questions I wanted answered. Then I checked the hospital's website to make sure some of them couldn't be answered there. Some of them could! Like... (What I had a question about is in bold, the answer is in italics. Of course, not every hospital will have the same answers.)

•Labor Support
You may have 2-3 support people with you during labor.
•Visiting Hours and Policy
No one under 14 is allowed to visit unless they are a sibling. Specific hours are encouraged abut exceptions can be made.
•Can Turtle-Love stay over-night with me? This was a big question for us, especially since we co-sleep. (Dang I forgot to ask about co-sleeping with Bean)
No. They of course use more expressive language to soften that lol
•Do you have showers or baths I can use during labor?
Yes, whirlpool tubs are available. 

They have other information that I already knew was policy that you may want to ask your hospital...
Are doulas allowed? Yes
Can my baby room-in with me 24/7? Yes, it is highly encouraged though the nursery is available and nearby.
Are there conveniences like cable, wireless internet, etc.? In labor and delivery as well as postpartum? Yes, though DVD players, CD players, docking stations etc. need to be brought.
Are you supportive of breastfeeding? How do you support mothers with this? Yes, very. You will not be offered formula unless there is a medical reason or you request it. A lactation consultant will visit you to make sure you are doing well and answer any questions you have. One is always available as well. Pumping supplies are also available.
Do I go through the Emergency Room or the main entrance? In the middle of the night? The main entrance is always available for use. Valet parking is offered during standard hours, and after hours you can park in the drop off circle and leave your keys with security - they will park your car for you and your keys will be brought to your room.

We were late arriving for the tour. Yoga lasted a little longer than I thought, and hubz was late leaving a family night for a friend's grandfather. Everyone was really friendly and helpful in assisting us to find the tour in progress. Little did we know the tour was being conducted by the woman who taught our last birthing class that we adored! It was nice catching up with her, hugs all around. (She is also a doula!) The first thing we noticed though, which was a nice turn around to a rough start (I was cranky because we were late)... the wing of the hospital for labor, delivery, and postpartum is actually called The Birthing Center.

Some nifty things I learned on the tour (that I did not ask/have to ask)
•The Birthing Center is located behind a locked door. All postpartum and birthing suites are located behind the locked door with the waiting room NOT behind the locked door. Before allowing anyone in to see you you are called and asked if you are available, and if you would like to see whoever it is.
•You are allowed to have up to 3 labor support people. Each person is provided a band that allows them access behind the doors at anytime during your birth - so food runs, store trips, etc. can go smoothly and quickly.
•They have a snack kitchen, equipped with ice cream, water, ice, dry goods, etc.
•They will not keep you from eating or drinking during labor. She did mention that there may be times clear liquids are best and suggested.
•Each birthing suite has it's own whirlpool tub that is very large and deep, as well as handheld showers.
•A variety of birthing balls are available.
•The bed drops down and a squat bar is available for pushing in a squatted position, or for mom's who are too tired or having a hard time finding the right muscles.
•The number of people who visit you at one time in postpartum is unlimited, though they do recommend you limit your visits so you can rest and bond.

Things that I did ask
•What is the monitoring policy?
A standard belt monitor is available - usually upon arrival they like to get a solid 20 minute reading though it isn't mandatory to be that way. Then and every other time tele-monitors are available, as well as just a hand held doplar. Monitoring can be done in whatever position you like as long as the baby's heart beat can be found. 
•What is the IV policy?
Not mandatory or procedure unless medically necessary. If you must receive antibiotics, a Hep lock can be used after administration.
•What birthing positions are permitted?
This one is up to your delivering doctor. The hospital it self doesn't mind any position or place - though in your own birthing suite rather than the hall is encouraged.
•Can my son(or other siblings) be present during birth?
Absolutely, he just needs one specific person that is not Mom or Dad assigned to him. He will get his own band (not part of the three) as will his person (is apart of the three).
•Baby care policy immediately following birth?
Baby is placed directly on Mom's chest.
•Does baby ever have to be separated from me?
No. All tests can be done with baby on your chest.
•Can we delay cord clamping?
Absolutely, just make sure it is in your birth plan and that your doctor and the pediatrician know. Dad - this is a good job for you, remind them as soon as baby is out.
•What about the placenta? Can we bring it home?
Yep! Make sure you bring a cooler it needs to go on ice immediately and be taken home soon after.
•Policy regarding vitamin K shot, eye goop, vaccines?
They are all standard procedure but you can absolutely decline them. You just have to sign a waiver, we have no problems with any of that.
•How long is labor allowed to go before interventions are pushed?
As long as it takes. If baby is doing fine there is no reason to intervene. That doesn't mean it wont be offered or suggested by your doctor. If your water has been broken for 24 hours antibiotics will likely be administered but you are free to labor for as long as it takes. 
•What is the video and photo policy?
Video is not permitted, and photos have to be from above the legs perspective.
•Are there ever breech births here?
No.  
•Can we bring and use cloth diapers right away?
Absolutely.

So all of our questions got answered. I was really impressed by the actual facility and how friendly everyone was. There was a nurse actually snuggling a baby in the nursery, so the babies that are taken there aren't just left to hang out which makes me feel good too. We left the hospital feel much better about our decision, happy about it actually. We realize that these are just words and things that sound good now - and it will be the people we have contact with when the time comes and testing the policies rather than smiling at the theory of them. But we are hopeful, and happy.

Now to ask my doctor's office a ton of questions at our next visit!

A Quickish Update

Alright - a quickish update and then on to THE POST.

I'm 30 weeks (31 by ultrasound) and doing well! My blood pressure is good, Bean's heart rate has been good. No real complaints, nothing major happening. The ultrasound I had a couple weeks ago showed no premature cervical shortening which is awesome. It did, however, show us that Little Bean was breech. She was hanging out yogi style, with at least one heal near her bum, sitting on my right side facing my left. I had an appointment the following Friday, at which her heart beat was found below my belly button (which to me says she is transverse or head down, not breech) but the OB I saw said that if she hadn't turned by 37 weeks we would talk about external versions and then a c-section at 39 weeks. Aaawwweeesssooommmmeeee. NOT.

The day after was a local birth expo which worked out great for us. We found some awesome places to take Turtle-Love for play time, met an acupuncturist, two chiropractors, a doula in training who I happen to know (but didn't know was a doula!), and a bunch of other local resources for families and pregnant women. We also each scored an Under The Nile cloth teething toy for visiting 10 vendors, and my name was drawn during a "Grand Prize Drawing" so I got to pick a prize from the good stuff. I chose a gift bag put together by another local doula, who happened to be the birth class instructor we loved from our last pregnancy. The bag included two Earth Mama Angel Baby gift packs, one set of newborn goodies and one set of pregnant mama goodies, a lavender and flax seed eye pillow for stress relief, two ribbon edged burp rags, and a rice sock. Very sweet and super helpful!

I really liked one of the chiropractors we met. She not only explained to me how my sciatic nerve pain could be telling us that my pelvis is out of alignment likely adding to or even causing the breech issue (and explained it awesomely well I will add) but also offered to work with us on payment if my insurance doesn't cover her office. In fact, her business card actually says "Insurance - Cash - Charity" as payment options. She said there was no reason to let something like money get in the way of helping me with the sciatic pain and hopefully preventing a c-section. So, I now have an appointment with her next week. Also, my doula friend is currently in the process of completing her training and offered her services to us gratis. These are the kind of people I like meeting in the world. Can we please have more of them? Okay, great! We had an official meeting with her at our place yesterday and I'll be contacting her in just a bit to let her know we would love to have her on our "birth team". And before everyone wonders, no it isn't just because her services will not cost us in cash. We actually feel that we connected well with her. And HELLO she actually swayed hubz to team doula and got him on board! Ummm, big score there. I also love the idea that we can help her get the hands on experience she needs for her certification. I actually hope to complete doula certification myself in the nearish future (potentially through where she is - the program sounded pretty awesome) and hope that other people will grant me the same kindness. Plus, the one birth she has already attended as a doula was with my OB's practice and at the hospital we will be going to, which is excellent luck.

We've fallen behind on our birth classes through Birth Boot Camp, but we are determined to catch up! PS - go check them out. Use the buttons up there ^ (see top of post) and over there --> (see side bar next to post). So far we are LOVING these classes. Very informative, hubz is staying focused and learning, and there was a bunch of stuff I didn't really know - or at least didn't know this much about! 

Turtle-Love is doing excellently and enjoys singing, dancing, playing with his matchbox cars, the occasional movie, and generally shocking us with his adorable banter and delighted playfulness. Of course it isn't all peaches, but the good and fun far outweighs the tough and rough spots. He is also addicted to my belly. If he can see any belly skin he has to touch my belly, hold my belly, kiss my belly, poke my belly button and exclaim "Baaayyy Beeee! I kiss baby. Hi baby! Mama baby belly!" Sometimes he tells us he has a baby in his belly too *snicker*. Sure thing kiddo, sure thing. He has also gained an interest in princesses, including dressing up as one, and now owns a pink lady bug shirt with red glitter on it. *shrug* Hey, the kid likes what he likes and we wont stand in the way of that. I think he is rather well rounded :-) I suppose that is what happens when you spend a ton of your time with girls your age but really admire your daddy. ;-)
In other news, the babywearing group a good friend of mine and I are starting up locally is having our first meeting on St. Patrick's Day. So excited! If you are in or near central VA contact me for specifics!

Alright, so that actually wasn't terribly quick was it? Oops. Oh well. On to The Post. Actually. I'm going to write it as a separate post. I'll link it up here when I'm done.

For giggles... a picture of hubz and Turtle-Love the other morning...

My co-sleeping ninja Turtle-Love, and Daddy

Struggle

Today, I struggle.

Pregnancy is somewhat blissful for me. As an adolescent I had pretty severe depression. It was heavier in the Spring, which is unusual. I was medicated, somewhat heavily, through the end of middle school to help me but nothing ever worked they way one wants it to. The depression was never really gone. As a teenager my depression was triggered by nearly everything, but especially social interaction. Add to that low self-esteem and body image issues because I was a big girl surrounded by tiny girl friends, and you get a bit of a recipe for disaster, in my case at least. This isn't the time for all the hairy details, but it got bad. Really bad. I reached a turning point after a slight disaster and then a bit of a miracle - the opportunity to spend time with my newborn niece. Everything didn't magically get better overnight, but slowly the changes came. It was this time in my life that I started going the more natural route. I stopped taking the medications (that weren't working) and I was more aware of the over the counter pain killers and cold remedies that I chose. I'm not saying I always made good choices, but the awareness started then.

Alright so that is a little off topic, but the point is... emotionally things were rough for a really long time. Things were still rough, mainly in the spring, as I came into adulthood. There were still rough patches and times of depression in the year I became pregnant with my son.

After discovering we were pregnant the first time, I was terrified. I was worried I would be more susceptible to postpartum depression. I worried what life would be like having a low point with a new baby. I worried I would fail as a mother.

To my surprise, and the surprise of my now husband and likely my family as well, pregnancy was mostly happiness. Rainbows, unicorns, you get the picture. Of course there were stresses. Actually, there were extreme stresses (thus the preterm birth). But in spite of all the stress and the emotions and hormones from those stress there were no low times. None, nada, nilche. It was like... I was normal.Okay seriously, what is really normal. But for the sake of delivering this message we will just stick with that analogy. Even after the birth of my son, there came no low points. There was definite hardship, and struggle, and stress. I did have some self doubts, and blame, and many other not so pleasant emotions surrounding his birth, or really the fact that he was 5 weeks early. But even with all of that there was no depression. In fact, 2 years later and some change there still hasn't been any actual depression. At least, nothing that lasted longer than a day or so, or that wasn't cured by chocolate or ice cream or a day out with the girls. You know... normal things. Well... I assume they are normal I guess. Again, you get the picture. (I hope).

This pregnancy has also been happiness. Unicorns, and rainbows, and puffy clouds, and puddles to jump in, rain to dance in, etc. These are a few of my favorite things... you get it? In fact... there hasn't been any serious stress like during my last pregnancy. The only real stress that I feel is worry. I am worried about having another preterm birth. This is a normal worry. Through the worry, and through some modern medical technologies, I am trusting my body. I learning to trust that my body knows when and how to deliver this baby. That my body and the baby I am growing inside me will be able to decide when it is right to be born. My son did, he needed to be born and so together with my body that happened. It happened early, but I can see and accept, now, that there was a reason for that.

A test of this trust in my body is coming up. One that will either reassure me, or could potentially leave me doubting my body and its ability to properly house and grow and protect my baby. On Friday I have an ultrasound scheduled. One extra ultrasound. How can an ultrasound be such a test in this trust? The ultrasound isn't to check on Little Bean, to see her little toes or watch her precious heart beat. This ultrasound is to measure the length of my cervix. You see, in some women, preterm labor can be caused by an early shortening of the cervix. The closer you get to birth, the shorter the cervix becomes. With that is softening and dilating and all of that great stuff. But when that great stuff starts to happen too early, it can mean trouble. Can. Not always, not with everyone, but sometimes.


And so.... I'm nervous. I'm anxious. But I'm not struggling because of that.


Well then what was the show for, hmmm?! I'm getting there.

I'm struggling over the birth path we are on. This appointment seems to be contributing to it, obviously since I intended to come here and just complain about our birth arrangement and out came all of that.

Initially, I wanted my second birth to be at the Birth Center. With a midwife, and a doula, in a peaceful and serene environment. With water, and candles, and music, etc. You know, very zen, very empowering. Unfortunately, our finances have yet to align with the cosmos for our birth. They likely wont. We don't have insurance, and since we can't afford to pay for this out of pocket we applied for and received FAMIS coverage. It's like a step above medicaid. State provided (or is it federal? I'm pretty sure it is state) medical coverage - with a co-pay and a deductible. Sort of an in-between insurance set up. I am beyond grateful for this.  Unfortunately, this also meant the Birth Center birth was taken off the table. FAMIS doesn't cover birth centers, and we can't afford that out of pocket either.

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated this week with not being able to have the birth I feel is right for us and this baby, because of money. It troubles me to my core that the barrier between the wonderful zen birth I have imagined and the birth we are planning is a little bit of cash. Okay, it is quite a bit of cash. That doesn't mean we aren't still planning an awesome hospital birth, because we are. I'm still planning candles and music and hopefully water. While we are delivering at the same hospital as we did before, it is a new building. We haven't toured it yet but from what I hear it is very beautiful, with wonderful views and a peaceful setting in the delivery rooms. We will see. In fact... I'm going to schedule that tour today.... Anyhow, I am struggling and a little down in the dumps today because I suppose I am pouting. My husband doesn't want a doula, I can't have a midwife, and the facility I wanted to birth in and the care difference I hoped to receive this time is not available to us because of finances. 

It is time to just put my big girl panties on and deal. But for today, I'll pout.



Side note: I bought some maternity panties the other day. WHOAH the difference. Fluffy moms... I'm highly recommending this thing called the foldover brief. It is a panty with a waist that can be folded and tucked below belly (or under the hang as I say - some of you will get that) OR you can leave it up... and guess what happens when you leave it up??? It stays!!! I'm amazed. I found mine at Motherhood Maternity, but I'm sure they are available elsewhere too.

Birth Prep Classes

If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen that we have been looking into birth prep classes.

Yes, yes. I know I've already given birth once, I should know what I'm doing, blah blah blah.

Here is how I see it.

You cannot be too prepared for birthing your baby

Just my humble opinion on the subject matter. However, us personally... well we could use the refresher.

See.... when I was pregnant with Turtle-Love we took some birth classes offered through the hospital we were using. The classes were actually amazing. They were taught by a local doula who was also an OB nurse, with two natural births under her own belt - one outside of the country while her family was on some type of mission? To be honest those details are hazey... We went over not only the basic information of how birth happens, but the hospitals policies, how to get what you want from them, and several coping and relaxation techniques - the class was designed with natural birth in mind. We learned a ton and felt fairly prepared. I had also done some light reading about ideas for labor, and we constructed a birth plan.

Que in the unforeseen issues..... like our house foreclosing. Which lead to us moving. Which was when we realized there was no way  we were moving out of a substantially sized house I had lived in for 10+ years of my life and into something much smaller and in our price range. With a giant dog. Oh yeah.... we also had to be out a month before my due date. Anyone wanna guess what happened next? No? Oh.. its okay.. I'll tell you.

I of course went into labor a couple days before our move out deadline, while we were in a mad rush to get moved into a place we finally found with less than a third of the square footage we were used to because we recently with a stroke of luck found the place, qualified for it, and signed the dang lease. I had also jinxed myself because it snowed the night before and I stupidly made a comment about how Turtle-Love would come now just because of the weather. -_________- (That is a very unamused face in case you were wondering). 

And so, we of course ended up going to the hospital after waking up in a giant pool of liquid which we determined was my water that had broken. We left sans anything we meant to take with us. I had no bag packed, we forgot the birth plan or anything else for that matter, I was in my dang pajamas with messy hair, leaking fluid with every little wiggle, and wondering if that slight tingle in my mid section was my first contraction. Skip to the hospital where we were told we might be there for weeks before the baby is actually born... blah blah blah.... and ... drum roll please....
I sent my husband home.

Yep. Idiot.... a long story kind of shortened ... Toad missed all of my labor, which was super fast. I got lost in what was happening and forgot most of my coping techniques, but at least I had my sister! Who has never been pregnant or attended a birth class, ever. No worries, she did well. The birth went well aside from the being 5 weeks early part and somethings that go with that ... yada yada..... SO. Because of all that, and I like to keep my self informed, and... HELLLOOOOO that was over 2 years ago.... we are taking another class.

We tried for the same class, because we liked it. But of course by the time we got our schedules together the class was booked. I started doing research online to find a class that would work for us. I created a birth board on Pinterest even! It was after a few pins and a recommendation from one of my Facebook page followers (and hopeful readers, lol) that I reached out to Birth Boot Camp.

Their program seems amazing. Check them out HERE <-- That would be my affiliate link :-)
We are doing the online course. We don't live anywhere near any of the current in-person classes, but because their program includes videos I think we will do really well with it. You get access to all of the information for 3 months, including being able to chat with them whenever about whatever comes up along the way. BONUS... I found this blog post by Mama Birth that got me an awesome discount! All pregnant bloggers.. check that out! SO.. what this all means is we are going to be awesomely educated, well prepared for birth, and you guys get to read my review when it is all said and done with! I'll likely blog along the way too :-)