WAHM and student... reconsidering?

As a mom (or dad) do you ever feel like all you want to do is be home with your child? If you could just work from home, go to school from home. Life would be perfect.

That is what I thought.

Except now, working from home is really hard. Between nursing, changing, supplement feeding, soothing, and otherwise carring for Turtle-Love I also have to walk the dog, remember to feed myself, find time to go to the bathroom, oh yeah - and work. Answering emails one handed is difficult but do-able. Often by the time I have an answer typed one of my coworkers has already responded. Answering customer phone calls is really difficult when your child spends 80% of your work hours 3 of those 5 days being very vocal. I know, I know. Be thankful. Thankful that my company is allowing me to work from home at all. That I am able to have the opportunity to spend the whole day with my son and still have a steady income. I am! I am very greatful for the company I work for!

In addition to working 30 hours a week from home, I also take three classes online. I signed up for online classes so I would be able to be home with my son but still work towards a degree of some sort. Further my education. I specifially chose classes I thought would be low maintenance or atleast some what easy since I knew I would have a new baby during the semester. Web Design - pretty much how I pictured it. Child Health & Nutrition - great and I'm learning a ton of very useful information! Art Appreciation - I should have known better. The assignments are much more spread out compared to my other two classes, but they are also papers. Written papers. They are easy by comparisson to most college papers! I'm currently working on a four page paper for my midterm. Yep, thats it. Four pages is a midterm. But uh, I'm having trouble with it.

My head is elsewhere I guess. I used to be great at writting papers, even if I couldn't even begin to comprehend the topic I could still write a darn good paper about it! But now, I don't know. I guess I just have too much else to think about. I can't get my head on track with this topic, and its due by noon tomorrow. Along with a test I need to study for for web design. *sigh*

In my dream world - I open a local daycare. Just something small with a friend. We would cloth diaper and babywear the children and it would be great! We actually have brainstormed it and we have a few innovative ideas that I wont talk about here because, well because we actually hope to do it! Now - to be honest I love children but now that I have my own child I really don't like the idea of dividing my attention from him every day. Once in a while sure of course, I love to baby sit for my friends. But everyday? I don't think I could. I'd love to just tell someone my ideas and kind of run the daycare behind the scenes. Set the parameters or something. In my other dream world - I stay home and make cloth diapers and wet bags and nursing covers =) I'm decent with a sewing machine just need some brushing up.

So anyhow - all of this has me thinking if I really want to try to go to school right now. After some thought I've decided that bewteen Turtle-Love being born, planning our wedding, preparing for my confirmation and Turtle-Love's baptism, working, and trying to keep the house straight - maybe school is just a little too much. I mean, I would love to be the girl who did it all, all at once. But maybe - maybe I need to take time to breathe? Turtle-Love will only be this little for a little while. Maybe I'll take a break until January. Turtle-Love will be one, Toad and I will be married, and I'll have gotten into a better rhythm being a mom. Maybe by then something will have changed with work - who knows. I know that right now, right now I'm sad I have a paper to write and can't focus on it. I'm sad that I have to type this while I nurse Turtle-Love because if I'm not multi-tasking I'm falling behind.