judging

Friday, April 13, 2012
In my personal world, a lot of words are flying around from many people - myself included - about feeling judged.

I'm not perfect. I mess up ALL the time. I pretty much do nothing the way I should, and even though *I* feel my choices are right for us, other people think I'm doing things all wrong and judged me.

Now I'd like to point out the difference between having an opinion, and judging. If you have an opinion generally you choose to share it or not, and generally you have a logical discussion and express your reason for having your opinion. Sometimes this also expresses emotions. If you are judging someone you are taking your own opinion, holding it above others' opinions, and declaring it better than theirs while in your mind deciding this person is not your equal.

Judge me if you are the type of person who does such a thing. Share your opinion, same or different, if you care to. Most of these are related to parenting.

• I chose to supplement with formula when our son was younger because trying to up my supply via pumping was too exhausting. Or I was lazy, you can see that which ever way you like.
• I still nurse our 16 month old son and will continue to nurse him until he stops asking to nurse and self weans. That's right, I might end up nursing a 4 year old.
• I nurse in public, uncovered. I will continue to nurse, in public, uncovered, until our son self weans. No, I don't want to show off my breasts - but if my kid is hungry he will be fed and if he wants milk he will receive it, regardless of where we are.
• Our son sleeps in the bed with us. Our future babies will sleep in the bed with us. They will each transition into their own sleeping space, in our room, when they are ready and will transition to their own room when they are ready for that - even if that is many many years from now.
• We are choosing to delay some, if not most, of our son's vaccines. Some vaccines he will not receive.
• We use cloth diapers. Apparently this is a topic to be judged on, that I wasn't aware of.
• I use cloth menstrual products. Yep. I put that on my blog, and I'm slapping it on Facebook. If I can talk about what my kid poops in, I can talk about how I care for myself too. Oh wait... someone just judged me on that.
• We go out to eat A LOT because I still haven't mastered being a mother and a wife and how to keep house all at the same time.
• We have a lot of stuff in our house, and even after living here for a little more than a month it still isn't put away. It's a lot of clutter.
• I wont give our son sauces and I monitor his salt and refined sugar intake.
• Our son only drinks juice that has no extra sugar and is severely diluted, and only once or twice a week.
• I don't medicate fevers unless our son is obviously uncomfortable, has a very high temperature, or there are other complications. I believe fevers have a purpose for the body and they need to do their job.
• If our son is sick we look for natural alternatives to medications that haven't had long term studies done, or have side effects we are uncomfortable with.
• I research nearly everything. Yes, usually on the internet. I take the information I can find from *credible* sources, as well as the opinions and experiences of other people in to consideration before making many decisions. I like to stay informed and educated.
• I allow my self to be influenced by society. Now, I don't go around all sheep like and following (thanks for that reference, friend!) but there is something to be said for the reason many things come to light and become 'popular'. Please, do not confuse this with me wanting to be 'cool'.
• I don't use harsh cleaners. If it has a fume, or I can smell it and it smells 'chemy' to me, I'm not using it. (I've been this way since WAY before pregnancy, just to clear up THAT judgment)
• I don't think I'm better than anyone as a person, but I do recognize that my situation is more favorable than many others. I try to use my situation, and sometimes take advantage of it I'm sure, to help other people when I can.

I'm certain I have many other 'faults' and decisions and opinions you can use to judge me. Place me in that category of people who obviously don't get it, or whatever. Or maybe you think that I'm judging you. I'm not, but I can't make someone see that. I'm hoping, though, that instead of judging we can discuss. Tell me how your opinions and practices differ. Tell me why. I'd love to know! Have questions about why I do something? Ask! I'm happy to share. Feel that I've judged you? Please point it out - I strive daily to be a better person and if I'm lacking somewhere, I'd like attention to be brought to it so that I can evaluate and better myself if need be.

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